Wednesday, 1 August 2012

After I'm gone - what to do with my remains.

Crammed on a tram today, the group of youths pressed behind me started discussing what they wanted to be done with their remains after death.

"I want to be cremated."

"No, I want to be stuffed.  Put me in the attack pose so I can continue to intimidate people after death."

Looking at the thin pasty youth who uttered these words, I struggled to imagine him intimidating anyone in life, let alone in death.

"I want to be cremated and then turned into something litter! Yeah, cat litter."

"No I want to be turned into a diamond."  This was the girl in the group.

"A diamond?" scoffed one of the males.  "Who's going to spend the money to turn you into a diamond?"  I could hear the snarl on his lips, the squint in his eye, the shake of his head as he said this.

The girl was silent.  They're probably in love with each other.  Secretly.  Her heart just broke.  Luckily, death from old age appeared to be a long way off.  I don't think they'll make it as a couple - there is too big a distance between cat litter and diamonds.

"I know, cremate me and then put me in a snow globe!"

"That wouldn't work."

"Because it's grey?  You can have a grey snow globe.  It could be a souvenir of somewhere really polluted."

" No!  You wouldn't be fine enough to go in a snowglobe."  This boy's name was Jeremy.  He was the ugly pompous one.

"What do you mean?  I'm fine!"  This was the boy with the cough and the dripping nose.

"No, I mean, have you ever seen ashes?  They're not small particles like in a snow globe.  They're more like wood chips  You wouldn't be fine enough."

"Yeah, but everyone's different," said the girl, the peacemaker in the group.

And then she said, "I spilt my grandmother's ashes once."

The group was silent for a while.

"If I'm not fine enough, you could put me in a pepper grinder."

This was rewarded with raucous laughter.

"Imagine that!  Do you want pepper? And you offer them the grinder and they take it and they put pepper all over their dinner and then at the end you tell them they just ate granddad!!"

More laughter.

"How about an hour glass?  That would be cool."

"No, the particles are too big."

"Well put me in a big hourglass.  People could come and consult me, like an oracle.  I could tell them everything to do."

"Wouldn't you need to be on a pedestal to do that?  Maybe that's what you could be if you were stuffed.  But don't do that in the attack pose."

Then Jeremy says:  "I've got it!  Make me into maracas!  I could just make music for the rest of my life! Yes!  MARACAS!"

I love eavesdropping on public transport.  Especially when it's a quirky conversation like this one.  What did you overhear today? Ever thought about what you want done with your remains?

As I contemplate renewing my commitment to divacultura for another year, I feel excitement and affection.  Thank you for sharing some of your time with me. As a thank you gift - and so I can gain a better sense of who's out there - I'll be giving away a pair of my hand knitted socks to two very lucky readers, where ever you are in the world (ie two readers will receive a pair of socks each).  To be in the running, leave a comment on this post by Friday 17 August 2012, stating why you like reading divacultura. My favourite responses will receive the prize (my decision is final).  Why not take the opportunity to sign up and follow too!


  1. What a great conversation.

    I'd like to be recycled, please. Reuse as much of me as possible to keep other people alive (ie organ donation). The rest can be used for scientific experiments.

    1. It was a great conversation. I love to hear creative thought happening. There's silliness and things that are distasteful, but it's exciting. Recycling is great. And they forgot one thing - how about filling for a rainstick?

    2. That would work with the gritty texture. I was just thinking perhaps a filling for a soft toy. There are some that are heavier and seem to have something like sand or rice in them. Snuggle up to your loved ones after they are gone.

      Oh, I know now. A pin cushion! The sand in them is meant to sharpen the pins at the same time. Might result in ash on your pins though....

      Silly conversation... how wonderful.