What are you afraid of? - leadership action

Don't be afraid of what will happen if you act. Be afraid of what will happen if you don't act.

I've found myself having this conversation a lot lately. Leaders tell me that they haven't tackled something they know they should, because they're scared or worried about a reaction. I ask them about what that reaction is likely to be and they describe another person's bad or immature behaviour. They'd rather battle on - and force their team to battle on -  than address a problem.

When I ask what will happen if they do nothing, eye contact is broken, they get a guilty look and then they tell me they know they should do something, but they are gripped by fear.

I ask again - what will happen if you don't act? - and keep asking until they face themselves. Eventually they realise that doing nothing about a problem is worse for everyone.

Sometimes they tell me stories about how they've inherited a problem and that a person has been allowed to get away with certain things for a long time. They tell me these stories, manifesting frustration and blaming the others who came before them and did nothing.

I then ask whether they are about to be the next person who does nothing or will they be the person to make the choice to act?

Some people make the decision to act at that point, others need another nudge, so I tap into their empathy.

"Imagine if you were that person, acting and believing you're doing okay, but actually there are major problems that everyone else knows about, but no one has ever respected you enough to talk to you about it."

It's easy to make excuses when the path of action is challenging. It's easier to do almost everything else when you've made an effort to address problems that need fixing.

I've realised this week while working with another group of leaders that I've brought my activist mindset with me. To me, the business of leading is about acting in a way that sets your people free to do their best work. The key is that leadership is an action, not a noun. It's not a title or a name on a business card. It's action framed by mindset. In any setting.

Are you taking action? What are you avoiding? What are you afraid of?

I changed someone's life today - how was your day?

After a long day and an early start tomorrow, I just want to share that I made a difference to someone's life this week.  Having made that difference, other lives will also change.  For the better.

In leadership conversation I often find myself reminding leaders what lens they use when they look at their people - do they view people with suspicion, expecting them to do a bad job, or do they expect they're all doing their best?

For people with a negative lens this can be very confronting.  It can turn the heat up for many people, which usually means some focussed argument back in my direction.  I know this and I choose to do it anyway.  Moments like today make it worthwhile.

One of the leaders with whom I'd been in conversation for two days told me that idea of expecting people to be doing their best was revolutionary and was going to change everything.  This leader had most things worked out but they described to me a sense that there was still something missing.  This new lens was the missing piece - their mindset was now aligned to their purpose of wanting to support and develop people.  With the wrong mindset, everyone was disappointed.

The leader was energised and excited as they described this revelation and life changing realisation. They touched me on the arm while we were talking and then apologised for touching me, acknowledging they were a "touchy-feely" person.  I said it was okay and asked if they'd like a hug. It was lovely.

Who have you influenced today?  Who has influenced you? How will you be different tomorrow?

We made it to 2013 - the Mayans were wrong.

Imagine that.  The world didn't end.  Who knows what the Mayans were up to?  The world could have been spared numerous B movies, apart from any angst which may have arisen from the looming end of the world.

I like milestones.  I like to take the time to think about what's next and get my mindset right for whatever is next.  I'm not really a goal setter, but I do like to be purposeful about actions that I take.  My experience over the last few years since I finished full time employment for other people in October 2008 is that things work really well for me if I think positively, don't get tense and worried and continue to act on opportunities.  I also look for opportunities.  They can be sneaky things and can easily be missed if you're not actually looking.

I just checked my New Year post for last year and am very pleased with the alignment I achieved between intention and achievement.  I am pleased with what I achieved.  I haven't tackled my lace knitting yet, but I have signed up to an online class and have the yarn wound and ready to go.  Development as a performer didn't really happen last year, but I'm okay with that.  I've been spending a lot of time developing my skills as an improviser and actor in a teaching and assessment setting.  It's not performance as such, but I'm still exercising my acting muscles.

The spare room is still a disaster - perhaps smaller and a tiny bit more organised than it was this time last year.

I'm very pleased with how my business is developing.  Bookings and interest is very strong right through the first quarter and prospects are already looking very good beyond that. I'm feeling good about 2013.

On a personal level, one of my major achievements in 2012 was quitting sugar!  I made it through the eight weeks of having no sugar at all, just in time for Christmas.  Over Christmas, I have allowed myself to share a small portion of Christmas pudding and last night at dinner I had a dessert that was far too big and far too rich, given that I'm off sugar.  It's interesting that previously I would have been fighting the urge to have seconds, but that doesn't happen anymore.  The quit program has worked and my habits and palate have both changed.  Congratulations to anyone out there who has achieved the same thing!  And if you haven't quite made it yet, keep trying - it's worth it.

My main focus for 2013 is to continue to build my business, using networking and good work as my main advertising tools.  On a concrete, practical note, I do want to get my website up and running.

Incorporating volunteering into my life while I'm working freelance is quite challenging.  Because I am only paid when I work, I need to prioritise paid work over volunteering.  Contributing to my community  is very important to me and I'm feeling a little frustrated that I haven't found a way of volunteering regularly in the way my life is currently running.  I solved that problem in 2011 by knitting for charity.  This worked because it was easy to incorporate into my usual leisure activities and didn't compete for priority with my paid work.  In 2012 I started to crochet a granny square a day and these will be turned into a blanket for someone.  I will explore further charity avenues for my knitting this year.

Floating around in my mind is the idea of going unplugged for a day a month.  I need to think about this idea more and gain clarity about what I mean.  At this stage I'm thinking about it in the context of being offline - that is, not dealing with email, social media and using the internet generally.  I feel like this would be a good thing to do to clear my mind and make sure days aren't sucked into the web vortex.

On the practical side, the spare room has made it onto the list.  I know that I need to be more specific in thinking about this as making a broad statement like "tackle the spare room" really hasn't worked.  At this moment I'm thinking "turn the spare room into a useful, welcoming space, so that it is more than a storage room".  And of course, I need a timeframe.  By 31 August 2013!

I've done fairly well with saving money during 2012, but with no real plan other than to have money to tide me over during the dead period of December and January.  I'm going to put a firm aim in place and put aside 10% of all invoices (after I've taken out tax and GST).

And I want to dance more!

My plans for divacultura are to continue to write daily as much as possible.  This is no longer a chore and I find that most days the inspiration is readily available and the writing happens fairly easily.  If I'm travelling it's often difficult to post each day, but I've decided just to acknowledge that and communicate with my readers.  Given my work schedule I may need to cut back to five posts a week, but I'll let you know if that happens.  With the development of my website for this year, I need to think about the relationship between my business and my blog and make sure I seize opportunities for cross-pollination.

Here are the top 10 most read posts on divacultura:

1. MYKI: it's your key to bureaucratic frustration
2. Quitting sugar - two weeks down
3. That's how you handle a complaint!
4. Emergency services call - communication failure
5. Missing in action
6. Photo a day June - from a low angle
7. If myki is the solution, what the hell was the problem?
8. I've got the public transport ticketing blues
9. Photo a day - June round up & July list
10. 2 Days in New York - giveaway

Post numbers 2 through to 10 were all written this year.  The top post was written in 2011.  There's a strong theme of public transport and community service being subjects of these most popular posts.  And my photos have also received lots of comments and compliments, both here on the blog and on Instagram and facebook.  The one I'm puzzled about is "Missing in action" at number 5...

Phew!  That's a great list and I'm excited about what's to come.

What are you thinking about for 2013?  What's your intention?

In tune and in synch.

Today has been a day of feeling the universe was tuned into me.  Or perhaps I was tuned into the universe.  Whichever way I look at it, there were many moments where I felt tingly as everything was perfectly synched.  As I write this, there are ten minutes left in the day and I wonder will this feeling continue tomorrow.

Today I facilitated a test run of a workshop which I've co-devised for Monash University as part of a project looking at empathy amongst multi-disciplinary health care teams.  Travelling on the train to the other side of Melbourne, I took the time to think about empathy and also about the day ahead.  It felt so good to be in a position where I would have the opportunity to put a new workshop "on its feet" to test the design and material before "going live".  Too often this step is not factored in and facilitators are left to find a way to make poorly designed things work.  

The day was a success.  While I was waiting for my colleague to finalise some work I opened my email.  After I'd checked that, I picked up the book I'm reading at the moment.  In rapid succession there were three moments that felt a little bit "spooky" - little bit like being in my very own Truman Show.

Firstly, there was today's edition of The Get More Goer, sent weekly by the Get More Guy, Warwick Merry, whom you met in this Question Time post.  Whenever I read Warwick's provocative few sentences, I often feel like he has a sixth sense and writes precisely what I need in my life at that moment. 

Today the message was all about assessing if you are truly listening to the needs of your clients.  His final statement resonated - deeply.  "Most of the time our existing clients tell us what they want. Why wouldn't you deliver that?"  

Probably because we can spend too much time thinking about life from our own perspective and forget to be empathetic.  

Secondly, I saw my weekly quote from Tom Peters:  "Effective communicating REQUIRES "wasting" lots of upfront time to establish rapport.  ("Getting right to the point" is usually disastrous.)  

Again, it hit me right between the eyes.  I'd just been having a conversation with a paramedic educator about the particular challenges paramedics face when they walk into someone's home wearing a uniform when there are also time restraints and "efficiencies" which they are required by the system to meet.  I tried to imagine what it would be like to work in a job that has human interaction as its focus, but where spending time to establish rapport, can sometimes be seen as taking too long.  Obviously in a life threatening emergency situation, I don't really care about rapport - I'll want my clinical needs addressed swiftly.  However, I also think about the power of an interaction where both things happen - my life is saved and the health care professionals work in a way that inspires a relaxed confidence that my life is going to be okay in their hands and more than that, my human dignity will remain intact because they understand what I'm worried about.

The third example is a little more whimsical.  If you've visited my "What I'm Reading" page lately, you will have noticed I'm reading about Stanley Milgram's obedience tests, conducted in the late 1960's at Yale University.  I opened up to a new chapter, only to read about a staff member with the same surname as my colleague at Monash University and that he had been a paramedic, the same as my colleague.  On the back of the two mass emails which appeared to be specifically written for me, it was a little bit freaky.

I wonder if I was noticing these "coincidences", moments of synchronicity, particularly because I was in a hyper-aware observant state of mind.  

Looking back at this question I see that it contains the answer!  To fall into synch, to feel more in rhythm, cultivate observance and make the connections is truly inspiring!  And come to think of it, it's a great way to develop empathy.

You can find out more about the work on empathy here. 

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IT'S MY BIRTHDAY & YOU GET THE GIFTS!
As I contemplate renewing my commitment to divacultura for another year, I feel excitement and affection.  Thank you for sharing some of your time with me. As a thank you gift - and so I can gain a better sense of who's out there - I'll be giving away a pair of my hand knitted socks to two very lucky readers, where ever you are in the world (ie two readers will receive a pair of socks each).  To be in the running, leave a comment on this post by Friday 17 August 2012, stating why you like reading divacultura. My favourite responses will receive the prize (my decision is final).  Why not take the opportunity to sign up and follow too!

Ring in the New Year!

2011 is drawing to a close and I am feeling relaxed and content after a lovely celebration lunch with family at the Willow Tree Inn restaurant, Graze, situated halfway between Tamworth and Scone in country New South Wales.

My last meal for the year started with a chilled beetroot soup and sourdough roll to awaken my palate.  For entree I chose a twice cooked souffle of gruyere and caramelised onion.  My main meal was a beef rib cooked in a sticky chilli and black vinegar sauce.  The plan was to resist dessert, but then I saw the words "peanut butter bombe with caramel sauce and home made honeycomb" and the plan changed. An espresso saw me out the door.

It was a fitting meal actually.  2011 has been a year of transition, direction changes (hence my ability to quickly ditch a plan at the last minute), consolidation and finally, a positive trajectory.  These patterns define the years since 2008 and I feel that 2012 will be more focussed on consolidation, development and deepening. The first few months are already looking good.

Starting divacultura was a great step taken in 2011.  My initial impulse was to create and embed a daily writing habit, which has happened, but it's also enhanced my powers of observation and helped me develop my voice.  Creating a discipline around my creative practice was also a way for me to be productive during the times when other (paid) work was a bit quiet.  I call these troughs "mini retirements" and learning to value and use this time has been an important lesson in 2011.

Optimism and confidence are essential to well-being when self-employed.  I've always easily harnessed these traits and I've learnt their importance in creating the right "vibe" to attract people, work and opportunities to me.  I'll be continuing to cultivate these in 2012.

There will be more writing, more music and further development as a performer, perhaps with my own material, in the coming year.

My knitting resolution for the year is to tackle a really complicated lace pattern.  It's a technique that I haven't really practised much and it's time I did.  I will also find another charity to devote a month of knitting to as I did this year.

At the start of lunch with the family today I asked about resolutions and no one had any.  I was a bit surprised.  Everyone seemed too busy to have spent time in contemplation.  I don't approach the new year with resolutions, but rather a mindfulness about my intentions for living.  The same thing I guess, but they tend to be less prosaic if I think about them this way.  (Although "sort out the spare room" is still a work in progress which I do hope to achieve this year!)

(For more inspiration, you may like to visit my friend Rose's blog.  I love her idea of spending more time with the people who make her feel anything is possible.)

divacultura is not yet a year old, but the end of this year is still a milestone worth marking.  The top ten posts of 2011 are:

1. MYKI: it's your key to bureaucratic frustration
2. To knit or not - it's my choice
3. The love rug
4. Love in the letter box 
5. Beginnings (my very first post)
6. Taking to the streets of Melbourne
7. The rejection letter (companion piece to "Love in the letter box)
8. The glee of singing
9. Singing with the nuns
10. 4 inches of love

Are your favourites here?

Happy New Year from divacultura.  Thank you for reading in 2011!  I wonder what your intention is for 2012?