One of the things I like about working as an actor is that everyone has a defined role - actors and crew. This is true of most creative ventures. Everyone has a defined role and generally the team allows everyone to perform their defined role without interference. The Director doesn't try to do the work of the actors, the actors don't interfere with the lighting rig, the stage manager doesn't take over from the producer.
It's a great example to consider for teams in other settings who may struggle with a leader who likes to "get their hands dirty" or the control freak who tells other people what to do. Working in these settings also provides a great lesson trust: trust that everyone else will do their job effectively.
This week I've been working on a project with a mix of actors and nurses. The nurses are "playing the role" of nurses. I've noticed that they are mistrustful that others are doing their jobs. I'm used to waiting where I'm told by whoever is in charge of the production and then moving when they tell me to. One of the nurses was consistently telling me where I was supposed to be. I later noticed that she was also perpetually worried about where people were and who was in charge of one of the sound effects. The sound effect had malfunctioned a couple of times during the day. My response is to make sure I know what my alternative queue is if the sound effect fails. This particular nurse's response was to round people up and question what was happening with the sound effect as we were walking out to start the scene. Upon suggestion that she just needed to focus on her job, she became very tense and responded that she just needed to be sure that there was someone doing it and that they would do their job properly.
I found this fascinating. While she was focusing on other roles, it meant that she wasn't paying attention to her own.
This kind of behaviour could be a cancer in a team and, as with many behaviours, it's often created by the leader. I've noticed that when a leader has been promoted from their area of technical expertise into their leadership role they often drift back to the comfort zone of their expertise. This is often described to me as a virtue - they're prepared to "muck in" with their team and work alongside them. There's nothing wrong with that if it's a conscious choice and the consequences of this choice are understood.
My next question is usually "When you're "mucking in" who's doing your job?"
Leadership is a role within a team or organisation. If the leader is busy on operational matters, then they aren't leading. This choice, like every choice a leader makes, creates behaviour within the team. Is it useful behaviour or is it unhelpful?
Back on set with the nurse I suggested that she relax and just focus on her assigned role and let everyone else do the same. She looked at me like I was crazy.
Do you trust others to do their job? Are you focused on your job or are you worried about everyone else?
Showing posts with label team. Show all posts
Showing posts with label team. Show all posts
Wednesday, 4 February 2015
Friday, 30 January 2015
I love coming back to work!
During the last week of my holiday I was regularly asked when I was returning to work. I have a very full dance card for the next few weeks and would respond that I was going straight back into work.
The usual response was along the lines of "oh you poor thing" or "oh that will be hard" or "oh well" and accompanied by copious eye rolls. I also noticed my social media feed was filled with articles about how to beat the return to work blues.
When I'd let the person know that I was actually quite happy to get back into work they would look at me like I was crazy and then ask me what it is that I do.
Rather than respond with details of the tasks, I would talk about the how I feel about my work. My work is interesting, stimulating, juicy, important, challenging, good, fulfilling, creative, diverse and the people with whom I do it are wonderful. They're smart, committed, inspiring and good fun to be with. Why would I be sad to return to that?
The inevitable next question was about how do you get to do THAT?
Well, I made it myself. I'm so thrilled that now I'm in a position to largely choose the people around me and how I spend my time. If I take something on and it doesn't feel happy then I either work to change it or walk away.
I'm noticing that as my business approaches its fifth birthday I have some solid collaborations which are good for me and attractive to people who want to engage us. Even in the most serious environment, laughter and fun is appealing and people generally want to be around it.
Not everyone is in a position to start their own business, but everyone is able to choose their attitude and how they engage with the people around them. Let's face it, people who are pleasant to be around are attractive and spread goodwill.
Are you fun to be around? What's your attitude?
The usual response was along the lines of "oh you poor thing" or "oh that will be hard" or "oh well" and accompanied by copious eye rolls. I also noticed my social media feed was filled with articles about how to beat the return to work blues.
When I'd let the person know that I was actually quite happy to get back into work they would look at me like I was crazy and then ask me what it is that I do.
Rather than respond with details of the tasks, I would talk about the how I feel about my work. My work is interesting, stimulating, juicy, important, challenging, good, fulfilling, creative, diverse and the people with whom I do it are wonderful. They're smart, committed, inspiring and good fun to be with. Why would I be sad to return to that?
The inevitable next question was about how do you get to do THAT?
Well, I made it myself. I'm so thrilled that now I'm in a position to largely choose the people around me and how I spend my time. If I take something on and it doesn't feel happy then I either work to change it or walk away.
I'm noticing that as my business approaches its fifth birthday I have some solid collaborations which are good for me and attractive to people who want to engage us. Even in the most serious environment, laughter and fun is appealing and people generally want to be around it.
Not everyone is in a position to start their own business, but everyone is able to choose their attitude and how they engage with the people around them. Let's face it, people who are pleasant to be around are attractive and spread goodwill.
Are you fun to be around? What's your attitude?
Tuesday, 12 August 2014
Team work - 12 pianists and one piano!
I just watched this video of a performance as part of the TEDMED series. Twelve people play one piece on one piano. The music is interesting and we get to hear the full range of the piano being fully explored.
I watched it again and it struck me that this is a great example of a high performing team. Each member has a part to play. They are expert in the part they play. No one tries to take over someone else's part. They have to work physically closely together without distraction. They look delighted to be working together. We don't see the hours of preparation, both individual and team, that would have been required to achieve the performance we see in the film. We also don't see the debrief afterwards where there would be celebration of success and perhaps some private conversation about errors made. Perhaps they would also plan for their next piece of work.
I'm sure there is a leader. At times I think I spotted one, only to think I saw someone else. I believe this is how it is in a truly high performing team - all members shoulder responsibility and accountability for the performance of the team.
Isn't that a team you'd like to be part of?
I watched it again and it struck me that this is a great example of a high performing team. Each member has a part to play. They are expert in the part they play. No one tries to take over someone else's part. They have to work physically closely together without distraction. They look delighted to be working together. We don't see the hours of preparation, both individual and team, that would have been required to achieve the performance we see in the film. We also don't see the debrief afterwards where there would be celebration of success and perhaps some private conversation about errors made. Perhaps they would also plan for their next piece of work.
I'm sure there is a leader. At times I think I spotted one, only to think I saw someone else. I believe this is how it is in a truly high performing team - all members shoulder responsibility and accountability for the performance of the team.
Isn't that a team you'd like to be part of?
Sunday, 13 July 2014
Lights, camera, action!
It's been a very big week. As usual, I was doing many different things for many different people, but this week included something out of the ordinary. I was making two films and my role was behind the camera.
I'm collaborating with a university in the field of clinical supervision and my partner and I pitched that we would make some films as a catalyst for discussion in the workshops that we will design and deliver.
We had two films to make and two days in which to make them. I wrote the script which was more like a blueprint for the narrative of each scene around which the actors would improvise. We had a director, camera operator and audio engineer. My partner was the clinical adviser on set, teaching the actors how to look like they were taking blood pressure and other vital signs and props master. That left me as producer, assistant director and floor manager. After two days, I was exhausted and gained a real appreciation for what it takes to make even a simple film. My job was all-consuming because I was flicking from creative story-telling to manager of the set, people and time frames.
At one point, I heard my name called by four different people. All I could do was take a breath and deal with each person.
Even my broadcast journalism skills had a workout. We did some vox pop interviews of students to get their stories and perspectives about clinical supervision and feedback. I stood beside the camera and chatted with four young men to get them to relax in front of the camera and to incorporate my question into their answer. I remembered the appeal that interviewing had for me all those years ago.
My next task is post-production. I'll sit with the editor and we'll use all the footage we took to tell the story that I wrote. I'm really excited to see how it turns out.
One of my lessons from this experience is that everything takes three times longer than you think and you just have to keep going until you're finished.
The other great thing I noticed was the need to have complete trust in the team you've assembled. Everyone must be doing their job and you must trust that everyone is doing their job. I had no capacity to step in and take over anyone else's job. If I had, that would have left a big gap where I was supposed to be. It's a great leadership experience, because everyone is required and no one can give less than 100% every time and all the time.
My partner took a photo on set which you can see on Instagram. He appeared as an extra, but I was too busy doing all of the things I've mentioned, that I missed taking a photo.
I'm collaborating with a university in the field of clinical supervision and my partner and I pitched that we would make some films as a catalyst for discussion in the workshops that we will design and deliver.
We had two films to make and two days in which to make them. I wrote the script which was more like a blueprint for the narrative of each scene around which the actors would improvise. We had a director, camera operator and audio engineer. My partner was the clinical adviser on set, teaching the actors how to look like they were taking blood pressure and other vital signs and props master. That left me as producer, assistant director and floor manager. After two days, I was exhausted and gained a real appreciation for what it takes to make even a simple film. My job was all-consuming because I was flicking from creative story-telling to manager of the set, people and time frames.
At one point, I heard my name called by four different people. All I could do was take a breath and deal with each person.
Even my broadcast journalism skills had a workout. We did some vox pop interviews of students to get their stories and perspectives about clinical supervision and feedback. I stood beside the camera and chatted with four young men to get them to relax in front of the camera and to incorporate my question into their answer. I remembered the appeal that interviewing had for me all those years ago.
My next task is post-production. I'll sit with the editor and we'll use all the footage we took to tell the story that I wrote. I'm really excited to see how it turns out.
One of my lessons from this experience is that everything takes three times longer than you think and you just have to keep going until you're finished.
The other great thing I noticed was the need to have complete trust in the team you've assembled. Everyone must be doing their job and you must trust that everyone is doing their job. I had no capacity to step in and take over anyone else's job. If I had, that would have left a big gap where I was supposed to be. It's a great leadership experience, because everyone is required and no one can give less than 100% every time and all the time.
My partner took a photo on set which you can see on Instagram. He appeared as an extra, but I was too busy doing all of the things I've mentioned, that I missed taking a photo.
Wednesday, 31 July 2013
To berate or not to berate...?
One of the team was late to this morning's simulation. The call time was for 8:15am and by 8:30 he had not arrived and I hadn't heard from him.
I called the agency to confirm (again) that he was actually booked. He was.
They called him.
They called me back.
"He's on his way. He says he'll be there in about 20 minutes."
"What happened?"
"I'll let him explain his circumstances when he gets there."
Right. In that moment I had a number of thoughts going through my mind:
1. Was he okay?
2. Thank goodness I follow theatre traditions and call people to be on set one hour before we film.
3. Why didn't he ring me?
4. Was he okay?
He arrived at just after 9am. A little under 15 minutes before the simulation was due to start. Taking one look at him, I could see he was giving himself a good talking to.
My first question was "Are you okay?"
He was. He instantly apologised and explained that he'd been out the night before, didn't set the alarm and so had slept in. Points for honesty.
I asked him not to worry about that for now and focus on the work we were about to do. I coached him to get his head straight and settle down. His energy was nervy and sparky - not what was required for a mental health simulation with an anxious (simulated) patient. We would talk afterwards.
The simulation went ahead and afterwards he apologised again. I didn't say it was okay - he looked like he was waiting for that. Then he said, "It's not okay. I'm disappointed in myself. It shouldn't happen."
I replied: "No it shouldn't happen. Now, do you have my number in your phone? I'm not going to say anything else because I can see that you're being harder on yourself than I ever would be. I trust that you'll be here for the next call on time and if something happens you'll call me. Thanks for your work today."
He left.
I haven't been confronted with this issue for ages. I'm a firm believer that people are doing their best and that adults should be allowed to take responsibility for themselves. I believe the approach I took will be more effective than an angry outburst. I think he told me the truth about what happened and that is also to be respected.
What's your approach when a member of your team does something unacceptable?
I called the agency to confirm (again) that he was actually booked. He was.
They called him.
They called me back.
"He's on his way. He says he'll be there in about 20 minutes."
"What happened?"
"I'll let him explain his circumstances when he gets there."
Right. In that moment I had a number of thoughts going through my mind:
1. Was he okay?
2. Thank goodness I follow theatre traditions and call people to be on set one hour before we film.
3. Why didn't he ring me?
4. Was he okay?
He arrived at just after 9am. A little under 15 minutes before the simulation was due to start. Taking one look at him, I could see he was giving himself a good talking to.
My first question was "Are you okay?"
He was. He instantly apologised and explained that he'd been out the night before, didn't set the alarm and so had slept in. Points for honesty.
I asked him not to worry about that for now and focus on the work we were about to do. I coached him to get his head straight and settle down. His energy was nervy and sparky - not what was required for a mental health simulation with an anxious (simulated) patient. We would talk afterwards.
The simulation went ahead and afterwards he apologised again. I didn't say it was okay - he looked like he was waiting for that. Then he said, "It's not okay. I'm disappointed in myself. It shouldn't happen."
I replied: "No it shouldn't happen. Now, do you have my number in your phone? I'm not going to say anything else because I can see that you're being harder on yourself than I ever would be. I trust that you'll be here for the next call on time and if something happens you'll call me. Thanks for your work today."
He left.
I haven't been confronted with this issue for ages. I'm a firm believer that people are doing their best and that adults should be allowed to take responsibility for themselves. I believe the approach I took will be more effective than an angry outburst. I think he told me the truth about what happened and that is also to be respected.
What's your approach when a member of your team does something unacceptable?
Monday, 8 July 2013
Spirit Award - it's pink!
Last week I won an award. It was the worst kept secret, but I was delighted every time someone let slip what was about to happen. I was awarded the Spirit of the Global Corporate Challenge Award and will be receiving a special, limited edition Pulse in recognition.
The award was based on the votes of my team mates and my general participation in the Challenge. I'm a sociable creature and I like to connect with the people with whom I'm sharing an experience. I don't mind letting them know that I've been known to march on the spot at the end of the day while I brush my teeth or do the washing up in order to meet my step target for the day. I've included suggestions for dancing in the loungeroom and shared that going to hear live music is a great way to beat your personal best (if it's the kind of music you can dance to).
I've mentioned before how clever the design of the GCC is. It really does create new habits and a mindset around daily activity. I've also found myself feeling accountable to my team. I spent one weekend in bed ill and as a result, not only did my personal daily step average plummet, but my inactivity had an enormous impact on the performance of the team. I felt bad, even though there was nothing I could do about it. My team understood and also noted that they were pretty sure that everyone would be sick at some point.
We southern hemisphere participants do have the added challenge that we're participating during winter!
We're in the middle of another mini-challenge. Whereas I blitzed the last one and set a new personal best for the number of steps I took in one day, I think I'm going to be hard pressed to succeed this time. Our challenge is to make 100,000 steps in 7 days. That's 14286 steps per day. While my personal best is higher than this - 15,505 steps - given what's happening over the next 7 days achieving this isn't possible. Rather than being defeated before I start, I've made a commitment to eat my daily target of 10,000 steps over the next 7 days. I might even surprise myself!
Once I have received my hot pink Pulse, I've decided to continue to share the spirit by gifting my standard issue Pulse to a friend of mine who is newly inspired. I'm so happy to know that I can give it to someone whom I know will use it - much better than sitting in a drawer gathering dust.
So in the spirit of the Spirit, what's your daily activity habit? What's your mindset like when it comes to being active? How do you keep yourself accountable?
The award was based on the votes of my team mates and my general participation in the Challenge. I'm a sociable creature and I like to connect with the people with whom I'm sharing an experience. I don't mind letting them know that I've been known to march on the spot at the end of the day while I brush my teeth or do the washing up in order to meet my step target for the day. I've included suggestions for dancing in the loungeroom and shared that going to hear live music is a great way to beat your personal best (if it's the kind of music you can dance to).
I've mentioned before how clever the design of the GCC is. It really does create new habits and a mindset around daily activity. I've also found myself feeling accountable to my team. I spent one weekend in bed ill and as a result, not only did my personal daily step average plummet, but my inactivity had an enormous impact on the performance of the team. I felt bad, even though there was nothing I could do about it. My team understood and also noted that they were pretty sure that everyone would be sick at some point.
We southern hemisphere participants do have the added challenge that we're participating during winter!
We're in the middle of another mini-challenge. Whereas I blitzed the last one and set a new personal best for the number of steps I took in one day, I think I'm going to be hard pressed to succeed this time. Our challenge is to make 100,000 steps in 7 days. That's 14286 steps per day. While my personal best is higher than this - 15,505 steps - given what's happening over the next 7 days achieving this isn't possible. Rather than being defeated before I start, I've made a commitment to eat my daily target of 10,000 steps over the next 7 days. I might even surprise myself!
Once I have received my hot pink Pulse, I've decided to continue to share the spirit by gifting my standard issue Pulse to a friend of mine who is newly inspired. I'm so happy to know that I can give it to someone whom I know will use it - much better than sitting in a drawer gathering dust.
So in the spirit of the Spirit, what's your daily activity habit? What's your mindset like when it comes to being active? How do you keep yourself accountable?
Tuesday, 25 June 2013
When the world's less than perfect - what's your reaction?
It's been a bit bumpy lately. My work is taking me outside Melbourne regularly. I'm often working in a place I've never seen and have had no influence or input into the arrangements. As a hired gun, this is business as usual.
I was recently working with someone for the first time on a particular program. It's a program with which I'm so familiar I can facilitate it without reference to any of the paperwork. The program has many different styles of engaging people, involves three rooms and video cameras, delicate timing and a particular set up for all of the rooms. I have no control over any of this, but the impact of getting it right or wrong is enormous. Last week, we encountered problem after problem with just about every aspect of the logistics and resourcing. My cofacilitator was becoming increasingly frazzled as she tried to juggle the competing demands on her time during the brief window available to prepare everything before participants started to arrive.
These difficulties were frustrating me too, but I'm very clear about what I can control and the boundaries of my job. As I sent the person with local responsibility away to resolve one of the issues, my colleague shook her head and asked me how I could just trust that the problem would be resolved. On one hand, she had a point. The local coordinator was the person who had not paid attention to all the detail, so in many respects the problems were created by them. On the other hand, I had no capacity to do two jobs! I had to let the person get on with what they needed to do.
I had no option but to trust that person.
At first glance it can seem that I work independently, but this is not correct; I work in a team. All of the people in that team have different roles and many of us are never in the same place together, yet we all rely on each other. I need them to fulfill their roles or I can't fulfill mine. If I fail to deliver then all their work is for nothing.
This week I'm somewhere different and again the world is not perfect. Lots of little things are not as they should be. I've got to fulfill my role anyway. So I take a breath and relax and adjust to the world that it is, rather than resenting the fact it's not the world I need it to be.
Observing reactions of different people is really interesting. I'm sure that my reactions now are very different from how they might have been a year or two ago. Understanding what I can influence and what I need to accept is a great thing to have gained.
So what's your reaction? What do you do when things aren't as they need to be? Do you roll with it or do you shut down? Or perhaps you get angry and frustrated? What could you do instead?
I was recently working with someone for the first time on a particular program. It's a program with which I'm so familiar I can facilitate it without reference to any of the paperwork. The program has many different styles of engaging people, involves three rooms and video cameras, delicate timing and a particular set up for all of the rooms. I have no control over any of this, but the impact of getting it right or wrong is enormous. Last week, we encountered problem after problem with just about every aspect of the logistics and resourcing. My cofacilitator was becoming increasingly frazzled as she tried to juggle the competing demands on her time during the brief window available to prepare everything before participants started to arrive.
These difficulties were frustrating me too, but I'm very clear about what I can control and the boundaries of my job. As I sent the person with local responsibility away to resolve one of the issues, my colleague shook her head and asked me how I could just trust that the problem would be resolved. On one hand, she had a point. The local coordinator was the person who had not paid attention to all the detail, so in many respects the problems were created by them. On the other hand, I had no capacity to do two jobs! I had to let the person get on with what they needed to do.
I had no option but to trust that person.
At first glance it can seem that I work independently, but this is not correct; I work in a team. All of the people in that team have different roles and many of us are never in the same place together, yet we all rely on each other. I need them to fulfill their roles or I can't fulfill mine. If I fail to deliver then all their work is for nothing.
This week I'm somewhere different and again the world is not perfect. Lots of little things are not as they should be. I've got to fulfill my role anyway. So I take a breath and relax and adjust to the world that it is, rather than resenting the fact it's not the world I need it to be.
Observing reactions of different people is really interesting. I'm sure that my reactions now are very different from how they might have been a year or two ago. Understanding what I can influence and what I need to accept is a great thing to have gained.
So what's your reaction? What do you do when things aren't as they need to be? Do you roll with it or do you shut down? Or perhaps you get angry and frustrated? What could you do instead?
Wednesday, 22 May 2013
Getting moving.
I'm participating in the Global Corporate Challenge which starts tomorrow. I've heard of it before, but never really understood what it's all about. When I was invited to join a team I did some research and joined without hesitation.
Here's what the front page of the website says:
The Global Corporate Challenge® (GCC) is a leading, global workplace health and wellness program.
Here's what the front page of the website says:
The Global Corporate Challenge® (GCC) is a leading, global workplace health and wellness program.
To date, our behavioural change program has delivered scientifically-proven results to over 3,400 of the world’s leading organisations.
Results include improved physical and mental health, enhanced productivity, reduced absenteeism and a stronger culture of resilience.
The GCC offers an effective balance of motivation, inspiration, support and education which has engaged and empowered over 950,000 people from 105 countries to change their lives.
That's a pretty big statement! Even before I've begun, the challenge has influenced my behaviour.
I finished work for my client at about 5:45pm and it was already dark in Perth. I was out near the airport so had to catch a cab back to the hotel. After a long day and coping with being in a different time zone, my impulse was to crash back in my hotel room. With my eye on the GCC I made a different choice.
It was a warm evening so I dropped my bags off and went for a walk. As I left the hotel, I took the stairs to the ground floor instead of taking the lift. The streets were still busy with people making their way home so I felt safe to wander around by myself. I walked the length of the mall and poked around a couple of arcades that I never wandered down before. Nothing flash, nothing too much, but I felt better for it. I was out for about half an hour and had more energy than before I went for a walk. It helped me shake off the day.
Tomorrow I'll have to do more if I'm to reach the minimum 10,000 steps per day. I am facilitating tomorrow and will spend a fair amount of the day on my feet, so it will be interesting to find out what difference working on my feet makes to my mobility on a day. The day after will be a bigger challenge because I'll spend most of the day sitting on an aeroplane. I'm already planning to spend my waiting time at the airport walking around rather than sitting and waiting.
The design of the GCC is clever. I'm part of a team and we've been told we're starting in Rio de Janeiro. There's a fun but serious pledge that we've taken and there are apparently mini challenges along the way. We carry a pulse - a sophisticated pedometer - and are required to enter the steps we take into our profile. My pulse is sitting beside my toothbrush as suggested so I don't forget to wear it. (Note to self, do I do that every day or every week?) There's a competitive edge and also the sense of commitment to the team.
I'm pleased to be participating and interested to see the impact it has on my daily movement habits.
Who else is participating? First time? Share you experience.
Monday, 22 April 2013
What driving taught me about how I think about other people.
As I drove around Melbourne today - in the rain - I contemplated how the behaviour of people on the roads completely changes in Melbourne if it rains. Or if it's really hot. Or cold. Or windy. It's bizarre. I also thought about how I can be the best driver on the road, but that isn't the whole story. There is a bunch of other people also driving around. The whole system relies on every single driver obeying the rules and doing their best with an intention to reach their destination safely.
I have an on again/ off again relationship with rules. On one hand I've often been in positions where my role has been to enforce rules. I was the senior boarder prefect at school. I got my own room and a special pocket on my blazer so it was totally worth it. I was a union official where my whole world revolved around negotiating rules and then ensuring that the rules were followed. At one stage I was president and in charge of rules at meetings. On the other hand, my creative nature sees me push the boundaries. When problems arise I often pay no regard to the rules when I'm exploring potential solutions.
On the wall near my front door I have a message to myself which says in part: "Tear up their rules. Run your own race."
As I've rearranged my life I find I'm more able to live in a way that is more aligned with my true nature. But then I'm driving. One of the things I had to do today was turn right at a set of traffic lights. The traffic lights gave me a green arrow and I just turned right without even thinking. As I straightened up, it occurred to me that I can only turn right on the green arrow safely because everyone else on the road was obeying their red lights. While I'm driving I trust and expect that everyone is doing their best to follow the rules. I have to operate like this or I can't drive anywhere.
This experience today highlighted one of the things I often discuss with clients. I hear many people talk about the problem people in their team or in their business in a negative way: "they aren't motivated to do well", "they just turn up for the money", "they're not really there for the business." When I hear these descriptions I have a conversation which finishes with a question. "What would it mean for your relationship with that person if you accepted that they're trying to do their best? What would happen if that was the lens you saw them through?"
I realised today that driving on the roads - especially in the city with lots of other people - is a living example of this idea. The fundamental starting point needs to be that everyone is doing their best driving to get from A to B without incident. JUST LIKE YOU.
Have you ever tried to drive where there's a back seat driver in the car? I remember driving my grandparents around on the Gold Coast not long after I got my first car. My Grandfather was sitting in the back taking in the scenery. My Granny was sitting beside me telling me everything I should be doing and not doing as I drove the car. Within five minutes, I was a nervous wreck. I remember pulling the car over and saying that I couldn't drive them safely with Granny critiquing everything I did. She needed to trust me that my intention was to get us all safely to where we were going. I was also in my new car which I didn't want to smash. I detected silent applause from my Grandfather in the back (we met eyes in the rear vision mirror) and Granny said nothing else for the entire trip. She sat very upright, clutching her seatbelt, but she said nothing. Being assertive was the best thing I could do for the safety of everyone in the car.
As you go out in the world what do you expect from people? How do you see them? Are you expecting and trusting them to do what's needed? or are you waiting for them to trip up? Are you the back seat driver sucking the confidence out of people as you micro manage and second guess everything they do?
You can make a conscious decision to trust. Try it next time you're driving. Imagine how hard it would be to get around if you didn't trust others to obey the rules and do the right thing. Then think about how you can change your view and focus on the things that can really help and empower the people around you.
I have an on again/ off again relationship with rules. On one hand I've often been in positions where my role has been to enforce rules. I was the senior boarder prefect at school. I got my own room and a special pocket on my blazer so it was totally worth it. I was a union official where my whole world revolved around negotiating rules and then ensuring that the rules were followed. At one stage I was president and in charge of rules at meetings. On the other hand, my creative nature sees me push the boundaries. When problems arise I often pay no regard to the rules when I'm exploring potential solutions.
On the wall near my front door I have a message to myself which says in part: "Tear up their rules. Run your own race."
As I've rearranged my life I find I'm more able to live in a way that is more aligned with my true nature. But then I'm driving. One of the things I had to do today was turn right at a set of traffic lights. The traffic lights gave me a green arrow and I just turned right without even thinking. As I straightened up, it occurred to me that I can only turn right on the green arrow safely because everyone else on the road was obeying their red lights. While I'm driving I trust and expect that everyone is doing their best to follow the rules. I have to operate like this or I can't drive anywhere.
This experience today highlighted one of the things I often discuss with clients. I hear many people talk about the problem people in their team or in their business in a negative way: "they aren't motivated to do well", "they just turn up for the money", "they're not really there for the business." When I hear these descriptions I have a conversation which finishes with a question. "What would it mean for your relationship with that person if you accepted that they're trying to do their best? What would happen if that was the lens you saw them through?"
I realised today that driving on the roads - especially in the city with lots of other people - is a living example of this idea. The fundamental starting point needs to be that everyone is doing their best driving to get from A to B without incident. JUST LIKE YOU.
Have you ever tried to drive where there's a back seat driver in the car? I remember driving my grandparents around on the Gold Coast not long after I got my first car. My Grandfather was sitting in the back taking in the scenery. My Granny was sitting beside me telling me everything I should be doing and not doing as I drove the car. Within five minutes, I was a nervous wreck. I remember pulling the car over and saying that I couldn't drive them safely with Granny critiquing everything I did. She needed to trust me that my intention was to get us all safely to where we were going. I was also in my new car which I didn't want to smash. I detected silent applause from my Grandfather in the back (we met eyes in the rear vision mirror) and Granny said nothing else for the entire trip. She sat very upright, clutching her seatbelt, but she said nothing. Being assertive was the best thing I could do for the safety of everyone in the car.
As you go out in the world what do you expect from people? How do you see them? Are you expecting and trusting them to do what's needed? or are you waiting for them to trip up? Are you the back seat driver sucking the confidence out of people as you micro manage and second guess everything they do?
You can make a conscious decision to trust. Try it next time you're driving. Imagine how hard it would be to get around if you didn't trust others to obey the rules and do the right thing. Then think about how you can change your view and focus on the things that can really help and empower the people around you.
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