What's your mindset?

"Mindset" is a recurring theme in my work these days. Whether I'm working with leaders, a team or individual coaching clients I've noticed so many of the questions and uncertainties stem from mindset; get that straight and good things can happen.

Coaching someone about career transition the other day, I asked them about what the point of a job interview is. "To trap me with hard questions," came their answer. I've had someone else describe job interviews as a necessary evil. "No one likes going to the dentist, but you have to do it."

These two responses say nothing about what happens at job interviews and everything about the mindset of the person I was coaching. Take the first response about using questions as traps. This response attributes motive to the interview panel (to trap me, to show me up, to make a fool of me etc). There's also a sense that the questions will be difficult or test knowledge that you don't have. Neither of these two things is necessarily true. Employers don't use the time of many people in the interview process just to torture outsiders! Employers with a vacancy to fill, have a problem to solve; they need someone to do the job. By inviting you for an interview, they're saying "we think you could be the very person who can solve our problem and fill the job".

But what about those hard questions you'll be asked? I've been a contestant on a few game shows and I love trivia quizzes. I'm often asked about how I came to know the answers to such hard questions. "No question is hard if you know the answer." Unlike most game shows, you know the main topic of the questions you'll be asked at an interview: YOU! The key to dealing with questions at an interview is to prepare. Think about the role and the organisation and think of relevant examples from your life (at work or other settings if relevant).

Imagine if my clients adjusted their mindset. Imagine what it would be like to go into an interview thinking: "I'm so pleased this company thinks I might be the person for this role. I think I am and it's great to have the opportunity to talk to them and show them I am exactly the person they're looking for. While I don't know exactly what they're going to ask me, I'm a subject matter expert about the main subject (me) and I've prepared by thinking of some examples. I'm confident that this will be a great conversation."

Suddenly, an interview is something to look forward to, rather than an ordeal.

So what? Whatever your mindset, it will show up. Whether you're in a job interview, talking to your teenager or negotiating an extension of time to pay your electricity bill, your mindset will be evident.

The other day I had to call a government department. I was on hold for 30 minutes before someone took my call. I really needed to talk to them, so was just eager that that happen while I was available to talk. I put my earpiece in and went about my business while I was on hold, so that was okay. When my call was answered I expressed relief and said I was really pleased my call had been answered. The response of the woman on the phone was to say, in a very clipped, harsh tone, "Yes, well it is a very busy time of year." I instantly felt put off. She didn't sound like she was having a very good day. I don't know what was in her mind, but she was displaying her mindset:"Oh great, another caller who has to talk about how long they've been on hold instead of just getting to the point. Doesn't she know we're busy!"

If her mindset had been about customer service and helping, she might have said something like, "Oh sorry you've had such a long wait, but I'm here now. How can I help you?" Right there, the mindset changes everything.

I won't go into all the details of the call here, but it was harder than it needed to be. My needs weren't being fulfilled and she told me that she could put me through the process but there was no point because she wouldn't be changing her mind. It's pretty clear what her mindset was likely to be.

I find that mindset is often closely aligned to purpose. Clarity about why you're doing something, or why someone is asking you something, helps resolve anxiety about motivation and just get on with it.

So, next time you're wondering how to approach something, especially if it's feeling difficult or scary, forget about the "thing" and get your mindset straight first.

What do you think? What's your mindset?

Tuning into your inner coach

In November 2011, I wrote this post about the voices in my head. I'd been thinking about the critic who often shows up just when I really need the supportive voice of my coach. I went back to this post after a coaching experience I had last week.

Just last week I was working with a client who had a very loud critic screaming in her head. In fact, her critic was so loud, the critic's voice often came out of her own mouth. This client could not sit comfortably in silence and the critic would happily fill the space with negativity.

The client could not hear her coach at all. I think her coach had gone to sleep because the fight was just too hard.  She was also skeptical about the impact of the critic's voice.

Once I stopped the critic from speaking out loud through my client, I noticed the critic speaking non-verbally - the client would pull faces, roll her eyes, shrug her shoulders and fidget instead. The critic was still sending a very clear message.

I asked if I could try something. I asked her to write down three of the most prominent phrases that she could hear her critic saying and give me the paper. I then asked her to complete the speaking task she was working on while I sat beside her and repeated the critic's phrases in her ear.

The impact was profound: my client could barely speak and certainly could not complete the simple task with any level of competence.

On reflection, my client agreed that it was very hard to think.

I asked her to write down three phrases that would help her if she heard a coach say them to her.

This time, I asked her to complete the speaking task while I said the coach's phrases in her other ear.

Remarkably, she not only completed the task, but had more energy, focus and confidence as she completed the task.

It became clear to me that the concept of the coach and critic voices was too abstract for this client to grasp. (She probably had the critic rubbishing the idea while I explained it!) By giving actual voice to the coach and critic, this client was able to understand the impact her critical voice was having on her. It also gave her the tools to breathe life back into her coach's voice.

These moments are life changing for the client, and profound for me as the coach as I see their potential for success and confidence grow. It's always good to check in and see which station your voices are switched to. I choose "coach" every time!

What are you tuned to at the moment? How have you silenced your critic?

How to avoid feedback disasters - what's your purpose?

Giving, receiving, thinking about and teaching feedback occupies a large proportion of my time, both at work and in my private life. I notice how people avoid it, crave it, botch it and do well and wonder at the variability of attitudes and capacity. Part of  my vision for an improved world is doing it better and appreciating the value of feedback.

So I was pleased to recently work with a medical college in trial exams for candidates to practise and receive feedback about all aspects of their performance: medical knowledge, exam technique, communication with me, the simulated patient, and their overall competence.

My case was intense, requiring me to cry and be angry about the situation. As an acting job, it was excellent. I had a really lovely doctor to work with as he conducted the trial exam station.

Candidate after candidate struggled with both the medical knowledge and their capacity to communicate. They often freak out when confronted with a simulated patient who is crying and angry just like a real patient would be in the same situation. Usually they recover. I quickly discovered that the doctor with me had a very different view of good communication. I also learned that many candidates were having significant problems with the medical aspects of the case.

After all candidates had had their trial, we saw them again for two minutes of feedback. After hearing from the doctor how terrible everyone was, I was surprised to hear him start by telling people "you did well". He'd then list - in exhaustive detail - all the areas of failure. He sent them off by saying they "weren't too bad" or "but you did ok".

I was confused. The candidates looked confused. They really wanted to know about their performance. They were participating in this trial exam so that they knew where they had performed well and what they needed to improve. Instead they received a confusing message that left them with no information about what they should do next time. The next time would be when they sit the actual exam.

I took the opportunity to observe and think about what was going wrong and how I would coach the doctor on providing useful, effective feedback.

The first question I would ask would be "what's the purpose of the feedback you're about to deliver?" Then to further clarify, "what do you want to happen as a result of this person receiving your feedback?"

Answering these questions before any feedback conversation will help remove our sometimes overwhelming desire to be liked from the feedback conversation. Interestingly, if your purpose is clear and about helping the other person, they probably will like you because you've taken the time to give them effective feedback that will help them do better in their world.

Listening to the doctor deliver his confusing messages, I tried to discern his purpose; it seemed it was about fulfilling part of the process of the trial exam. Where's the value in that? Feedback is part of the process and there's no doubt there was an obligation on him to provide it, but if the purpose of feedback is merely procedural then no one will benefit. It will be hard to deliver and unhelpful to receive. At its worst, it may also have a negative impact on the relationship between people.

Consistently I find that a lack of clarity around purpose is where people stumble. And it's not just in feedback conversations. Any conversation can benefit from clarity of purpose. Where the conversation is a strategic one (rather than a casual one), it needs to be planned. If you do nothing else, be clear about the answers to these key questions:

1.  what's the purpose of the feedback you're about to deliver?

2. what do you want to happen as a result of this person receiving your feedback?

It can change your life!