Showing posts with label acting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label acting. Show all posts

Monday, 9 February 2015

Tangles and angles - 50 shades of white

Today was one of those days where I spent the day in bed. I had a shower, got dressed and left the house with no nod towards hair and makeup. When I arrived at work I stripped and donned the gown of no dignity. (Luckily I had a clean out of my underwear drawer yesterday and can vouch for the decency of all my undies.) At the mention of a set of nasal prongs, a sling and a strap on IV, people start to give me funny looks. No, I wasn't filming the sequel to "50 Shades of Grey". I was working as a simulated patient for physiotherapy students today.

I love working with students who are still relatively inexperienced in their profession. It's so interesting to see the problems they encounter and be in a position to give really useful, practical feedback.

It was all about tangles and angles today. My left arm was in a sling after a (simulated) shoulder reconstruction. My right arm had the IV line for my PCA (patient controlled anaesthesia). That was simulated too. No drugs were flowing. Suddenly, a simple action like sitting on the side of the bed becomes a manoeuvre requiring a project manager and a crane booking. Adding to the drama is a very short gown, an educator sitting at the foot of the bed, and sheets that slip and slide and stick to the gown of no dignity. 

"Just swing yourself over and sit on the side of the bed." I hear the instruction and know that even with a simulated post-operative site, I'm not going to ":just swing" myself anywhere. They give detailed instructions about bending my knees, pushing down with my heels and using my right hand to lift and shift towards the edge of the bed. Bending the knees involves giving the educator full view of my nether regions. Lifting and shifting involves all the bed clothes shifting with me. The hospital gown seems intent on moving in the opposite direction to me and soon I am marooned on the very edge of the bed, gasping for air as my windpipe is almost severed by the demon hospital gown. (Who called them "gowns"? They are the least gown like garment I can think of. When I think of a gown, I'm thinking Christian Dior and red carpets, not this white apron masquerading as a functional garment.)

Compounding this is the fact that I'm wearing a sling. I'm then offered another "gown" to cover my back because "we're" going to try walking. They're very focused on the walking, even though it's my shoulder that's had the operation. Obviously, my briefing left out the information that I work as a circus acrobat where I'm regularly walking on my hands. The second gown is tied on the back "like a Superman cape", but of course, is as much like a Superman cape as the first gown is red carpet worthy.

There's a realisation that I've gone one way and my IV and nasal prongs are coming from the other side of the bed. They're also attached to me. We go through a further set of complex movements to reduce the risk that I will be mistaken for a chicken trussed and ready for the oven.

The students were terrific today. They're still at the stage where their thinking processes are slow and deliberate and nothing is really instinctive. I was often left in an unsustainable position while they discussed what needed to happen next.

The one thing I can't simulate is blood pressure and oxygen saturation - it's actually mine they're measuring. My sats were a bit low today - probably because I was holding my breath as I was precariously balanced on the edge of the bed. On the other hand, my blood pressure was a bit higher than usual - again probably because I was being choked by the hospital gown.

Oscar-worthy.
© 2015 divacultura


Angles and tangles seems like an apt description of life as a physiotherapy student.

What did you do today?

Wednesday, 4 February 2015

Whose job are you doing?

One of the things I like about working as an actor is that everyone has a defined role - actors and crew. This is true of most creative ventures. Everyone has a defined role and generally the team allows everyone to perform their defined role without interference. The Director doesn't try to do the work of the actors, the actors don't interfere with the lighting rig, the stage manager doesn't take over from the producer.

It's a great example to consider for teams in other settings who may struggle with a leader who likes to "get their hands dirty" or the control freak who tells other people what to do. Working in these settings also provides a great lesson trust: trust that everyone else will do their job effectively.

This week I've been working on a project with a mix of actors and nurses. The nurses are "playing the role" of nurses. I've noticed that they are mistrustful that others are doing their jobs. I'm used to waiting where I'm told by whoever is in charge of the production and then moving when they tell me to. One of the nurses was consistently telling me where I was supposed to be. I later noticed that she was also perpetually worried about where people were and who was in charge of one of the sound effects. The sound effect had malfunctioned a couple of times during the day. My response is to make sure I know what my alternative queue is if the sound effect fails. This particular nurse's response was to round people up and question what was happening with the sound effect as we were walking out to start the scene. Upon suggestion that she just needed to focus on her job, she became very tense and responded that she just needed to be sure that there was someone doing it and that they would do their job properly.

I found this fascinating. While she was focusing on other roles, it meant that she wasn't paying attention to her own.

This kind of behaviour could be a cancer in a team and, as with many behaviours, it's often created by the leader. I've noticed that when a leader has been promoted from their area of technical expertise into their leadership role they often drift back to the comfort zone of their expertise. This is often described to me as a virtue - they're prepared to "muck in" with their team and work alongside them. There's nothing wrong with that if it's a conscious choice and the consequences of this choice are understood.

My next question is usually "When you're "mucking in" who's doing your job?"

Leadership is a role within a team or organisation. If the leader is busy on operational matters, then they aren't leading. This choice, like every choice a leader makes, creates behaviour within the team. Is it useful behaviour or is it unhelpful?

Back on set with the nurse I suggested that she relax and just focus on her assigned role and let everyone else do the same. She looked at me like I was crazy.

Do you trust others to do their job? Are you focused on your job or are you worried about everyone else?

Sunday, 13 July 2014

Lights, camera, action!

It's been a very big week. As usual, I was doing many different things for many different people, but this week included something out of the ordinary. I was making two films and my role was behind the camera.

I'm collaborating with a university in the field of clinical supervision and my partner and I pitched that we would make some films as a catalyst for discussion in the workshops that we will design and deliver.

We had two films to make and two days in which to make them. I wrote the script which was more like a blueprint for the narrative of each scene around which the actors would improvise. We had a director, camera operator and audio engineer. My partner was the clinical adviser on set, teaching the actors how to look like they were taking blood pressure and other vital signs and props master. That left me as producer, assistant director and floor manager. After two days, I was exhausted and gained a real appreciation for what it takes to make even a simple film. My job was all-consuming because I was flicking from creative story-telling to manager of the set, people and time frames.

At one point, I heard my name called by four different people. All I could do was take a breath and deal with each person.

Even my broadcast journalism skills had a workout. We did some vox pop interviews of students to get their stories and perspectives about clinical supervision and feedback. I stood beside the camera and chatted with four young men to get them to relax in front of the camera and to incorporate my question into their answer. I remembered the appeal that interviewing had for me all those years ago.

My next task is post-production. I'll sit with the editor and we'll use all the footage we took to tell the story that I wrote. I'm really excited to see how it turns out.

One of my lessons from this experience is that everything takes three times longer than you think and you just have to keep going until you're finished.

The other great thing I noticed was the need to have complete trust in the team you've assembled. Everyone must be doing their job and you must trust that everyone is doing their job. I had no capacity to step in and take over anyone else's job. If I had, that would have left a big gap where I was supposed to be. It's a great leadership experience, because everyone is required and no one can give less than 100% every time and all the time.

My partner took a photo on set which you can see on Instagram. He appeared as an extra, but I was too busy doing all of the things I've mentioned, that I missed taking a photo.

Wednesday, 9 April 2014

In concert - Bernadette Peters

I spent last night with Broadway star Bernadette Peters in concert. I saw her a few years ago at the Sydney Opera House and remember being a little disappointed. I put it down to the dodgy acoustics. When she came out and started with "Let me Entertain You" from the musical Gypsy, I wondered if it wasn't the hall that was the problem last time.

Before the show I struck up a conversation with a woman whose table I was sharing while I had a cup of coffee. She didn't really know who Bernadette Peters is and had won her ticket on the radio. I told her that she's 67 years old as the woman looked at her program. The woman told me that she hadn't looked as good as Bernadette when she was 25! I considered her now and believed this to be true.

Ms Peters looked fantastic wearing a spaghetti-strapped, soft lilac gown with just the right amount of sparkle and a split in the front of the skirt coupled with satin heels. She shimmied around the stage and wasn't always on the microphone.

Hamming it up during one of the best versions of "Fever" I've ever heard, the diva slinked her way up the stairs to lie on a black velvet pillow and strike a shapely drape on top of the piano, she sang the song with lust and wit accompanied by double bass and drums. Yes! This was great performance.

Charming conversation interspersed the evening. "Joanna" from Sweeney Todd started with a cracked note, but improved from there. I started to get a bit twitchy and then I realised what the problem was. Bernadette Peters is much more an actress who sings, than a singer who acts. She is at her best when there's an emotional or comic element to the song. Listening to her sing is not enough and will be a disappointing experience. If you can absorb yourself in the emotion of the performance, then the experience is sublime. Losing my Mind from Stephen Sondeheim's Follies was extraordinarily emotional and like watching someone have a break down driven by the grief of a broken relationship.

The show ended with the big Sondheim song, Being Alive from Company, full of hope (and a fluffed lyric or two).

For encore, Peter Allen's song "I Honestly Love You" left me with tears overflowing. She then shared "Kramer's Song" a song she wrote as part of a children's book written for an animal shelter charity. Kramer is her dog and it was lovely.

I'd love to see Bernadette Peters in a show, rather than just in concert. It must be incredible.

Were you there at Her Majesty's Theatre last night? Have you seen Bernadette Peters? What did you think?


Tuesday, 4 February 2014

Emotional rollercoaster - getting what you want with only a look

When was the last time you had a really good belly laugh? The kind that leaves you sore and weak and happy to feel like that? What set you off?

I had one last night. On the telephone with one of my oldest friends, we laughed and laughed and laughed.

One of the things I love about talking to really old friends is the shared language that develops. There's a shared history mythology and recurring gags and moments to be endlessly referenced. I laughed until tears were rolling.

It was a good set up for today's work where I was making my annual appearance as the power crazed bullying doctor. My character is the kind of person who causes people to move out of the way with a mere look. One of my favourite moments of the day was when a student had bags on the floor which were blocking my pathway. I said nothing, just looked at the bags and waited. Soon the bags were being moved and the student was nervously apologising.

I took 30 minutes to shake the role off before I left the dressing room tonight. I sat and chatted to my fellow actors and felt the character lift up off my shoulders. I felt my face relax as I rediscovered myself and people started to relate to me normally again.

Anger and frustration that has accumulated over the last year was poured into the role. How lucky I am to have a place to channel it. I hope I'll have enough for tomorrow!

After the work today I went out with friends who had been working on the same job. Our meal was accompanied by raucous conversation and lots of laughing.

So when was the last time you laughed until it hurt? It leaves me exhausted, but I want to do it all the time.




Sunday, 20 October 2013

All the world's a stage.- including the hospital ward

Here's what my office looked like on Friday:

My favourite workspace
© divacultura 2013
I spent the day lying in bed and receiving bad news, repeatedly.

Sometimes I was required to react angrily and other times I was directed to be shocked or disbelieving. Usually I reached the point of tears, depending on the interaction with the particular doctor.

Students (practising surgeons) were receiving feedback on their communication and ability to manage emotions. Generally they did very well. What struck me during the debriefing was how sincere they were about wanting the best outcome for their patient (me). Where a mistake had been made, they were appalled on my behalf.



Wardrobe and special FX done.
© divacultura 2013

In the debriefing after scenarios where I had been directed to be angry and was introduced to the students by my own name, some of them looked a little wary. I always wave and smile and introduce myself in the friendliest way possible to prove that the threat is gone. Once they realise this, I notice many of them looking at me, fascinated. Only a moment before I was lying on a hospital bed, the day after my operation, attacking them and wanting to find someone to blame; yet there I am, moments later, looking and sounding completely different.

I love this work!

One of the students had a lovely way of contextualising each piece of information he provided. He explained afterwards that we all come with stories - the patient, the doctor etc - and that each event or interaction adds to that story. I loved his way of thinking. He was wonderful to talk to - empathetic, respectful and caring.

Wardrobe and makeup was really easy. Hospital gowns are the least flattering garments on the planet, but they ARE comfortable. The bandage on my arm is to keep my fake IV in place and I have a hospital bracelet to make sure I'm identified correctly as the simulated patient.

As in life, my simulated husband's presence was repeatedly requested by the doctors. My simulated husband was not there when I needed him. He was running his simulated business but was going to pick up the simulated children from school and come in later in the day.

Everytime I cry during these jobs, I receive questions about "how do you do that?" I now borrow my friend's response: "How do you do surgery?"

In my line of work, all the world IS a stage and they don't call it an operating theatre for nothing.



Friday, 18 October 2013

On my mind this week...ramblings.

I've been thinking.  Here's what's been on my mind this week.

Some people are really bad at hiding when they're about to tell you something they are uncomfortable with.  They think they're hiding it by not "saying" it.  But they are saying it - with their ticks, gestures and shifting eye contact.

The power of saying sorry, sincerely, and taking responsibility is immense.

What's the gracious response to such power?

Everything depends on all people being clear about their role and equipped with the skills to fulfill their role.  (My favourite question I ask when I'm leading people is "is there anything I'm asking you to do that you don't know how to do?")

Accounts departments in big organisations (eg universities) should pick up the phone more often.  Why do they dwell in the world of letters and post when a conversation over the phone would address many things?

People seem very confronted by shows of intense emotion, even when the emotion is a valid and reasonable response to circumstances.  Human beings are emotional creatures.  There is never a time when we are without emotion.

Music is a powerful expression of emotion. It unites. It divides. It can provide an outlet. It can empathise. It can mean different things in different situations.  It can be universal.

Plastic bags and old towels do not go in the recycling.  Neither do carpets.  Or bodies.

When a friend says he's "putting the chooks in",  "the oven" is not the only way that sentence can be finished.

I had the best end to an intense day at the end of an intense week. I walked out into the sunshine with three friends and colleagues. We were silly and playful together.  Intense feelings dropped away as laughter took over.

What's on your mind this week?




Thursday, 19 September 2013

My favourite gig OR why I was being paid to lie in bed and wear pyjamas.

"I can't believe that you don't have a brain injury!" Ordinarily these words might be an insult or cause for concern; today they were the best compliment I received all day. Today I was being a simulated patient in a ward with three others and a mannequin.

The patient had fallen off a ladder and now had a brain injury. Such a simple thing and suddenly this woman is confronting a completely changed life. Her walking, eating and cognitive function is affected. After my recent mishaps (the bag falling on my head and my knee injury) I have new perspective on the fragility of being okay and fully functioning in the world.

Be careful on ladders!

This week I've been working with different groups of students across the full spectrum of healthcare. Saturday and Sunday was the gynaecologists and obstetricians; Monday and Tuesday it was mental health nursing; Wednesday I was working with orthoptics students; today was nursing, physiotherapy, occupational therapy, social work, nursing and medicine and tomorrow, international medical graduates. It's such a privilege working with these students as they develop their skills and identity within their chosen field. Mostly they are excellent - really interested in people and ready to help; occasionally I notice that they've already lost their empathy.  I think it's because they focus on skills and knowledge and forget there's a person at the centre of it.

Yesterday was the first time I've worked with orthoptists. They come with a lot of equipment and have spent their time practising their technical and clinical skills on each other.  I noticed that many of them didn't explain what they were going to do before they approached the simulated patient. They would just lean over and peel the simulated patient's eyelids back and wonder why there was  a reaction. The were great with equipment and not so great with the people. I asked if any of them had ever suffered the complaint that the simulated patient had (double vision).  None of them had. I asked if they had considered what it would be like to have double vision. None of them had. I asked them who drove to university that day. Sadly most of them had. I asked them how they would have made their way to university if they had double vision. They started to think about life from the patient's perspective. Here was the "ah-ha" moment.

A few of the nursing students today had already developed what I call "nurse tone". There's a particular brand of condescension - talking overly loudly, slowly and using terms like "we" when they mean "you". I really hate that.

Working as a simulated patient has made me a better real patient. Talking to my GP the other day about a referral to a specialist, she asked me what kind of doctor I wanted. "A good one" was my response. She asked me if I was okay with someone who is very direct. Initially I said yes, but then I pictured myself in conversation about my particular issue with a very direct person. I realised exactly what I wanted AND what I didn't want: "I want to be a person, not a [insert body part here]." My GP selected a different doctor for referral.

I'm not sure I would have had the awareness of being a body part, or an illness before working as a simulated patient.  Many times I turn up to play a role and am not referred to by my own name, let alone my character's name.  Instead we gather to cries of "Lungs in here!", "Cancer in room three!" and "Depression follow me to the basement!". So the rot has started to set in as administrators and educators strip the person from the situation and turn us all into cases.

I push back, not moving until I'm referred to by one of my names. I correct people who say they've been happy to "use me" as a simulated patient, suggesting instead, it's a been a pleasure to work with them.

It's wonderful that health care education now gives students the opportunity to work with simulated patients as a proxy for real patients.

Spending the afternoon lying in bed, wearing pyjamas and talking to enthusiastic young people is a gig I love!

Friday, 14 June 2013

My favourite things - this week

It's the day after yesterday and woke up again to more sexism.  This time West Australian radio announcer Howard Sattler thought he'd use the privilege of access to Prime Minister Julia Gillard to repeatedly ask whether her partner Tim Mathison is gay.  That he thought it was okay to ask is bad.  That he harangued and repeatedly asked as he said "I'm not saying this, but people are" is terrible.  That he is "flabbergasted" at his sacking really says something about the man.

Why is this included in a post of my favourite things?  Because the radio station acted swiftly and sacked him.  No namby-pamby suspension and then quiet reinstatement later when everyone has forgotten - gone.  Congratulations 6PR.

Baz Lurhman's film, "The Great Gatsby" took up most of the holiday for the Queen's Birthday on Monday.  I loved the film.  I loved Leonardo Di Caprio's performance and Joel Edgerton and Carey Mulligan.  And the music and the swoon- worthy fashions.  My favourite moment though was the footage of a young Queen Elizabeth II with the message "Happy Birthday Liz" played before the film at Yarraville's Sun Theatre.  "Oh yeah," I thought, "that's right...that's why it's a public holiday today."

Loved this piece on the 10 books people will judge you for reading.  I've read 4 of them and have no intention of reading the remaining 6.  E readers are a god send.  That's all I'm saying.  (I will make no mention of being ensconced in "World War Z - an oral history of the zombie war" at the moment.

It's well and truly winter in Melbourne and I for one am enjoying the chill.  It gives me plenty of opportunity to show off my selection of handknitted scarves and fabulous hosiery and boots.  The rain is a bit annoying, but it hasn't stopped me achieving my daily target of 10,000 steps in the Global Corporate Challenge.

Monday nights and The Voice are still a great moment in a week's television viewing.  The final is on this week and I reckon Harrison will win.  I was sad to see Miss Murphy go - it ruined my perfect record of predicting who would go through.  I will look forward to Danny Ross' album.

Lastly, I need to finish now so I can make some more sourdough toast with a smear of Maggie Beer's pate to accompany a glass of peppery shiraz. Mmmm.









Tuesday, 28 May 2013

Hanging out at hospital

Lately I've been hanging out in hospitals, walking past hospitals and thinking about hospitals.  I'm fine, by the way.  I've been working as a simulated patient, managing a mental health simulation project and often grabbing a coffee and sandwich in the cafeteria.

Walking through the ground floor of the busy Alfred Hospital in Melbourne I'm struck by being amongst the walking wounded.  There are people on crutches, arms are in slings, people have tubes in their nostrils, they trail drip stands.  Walking outside, there is usually an array of people assembled out on the footpath smoking.  Today I saw a woman sitting at the tram stop wearing a pink dressing gown.  She had a tube going into her nose and she had to move the tube out of the way so she could put her cigarette in her mouth!  With the weather becoming cooler as we approach winter, I was surprised to see a man standing in bare feet, wearing nothing but a hospital gown out on the footpath getting his fix.

The other thing that is noticeable is the incredibly detailed conversations people have on their mobile phones in lifts and hallways.  Today I travelled six floors with a woman who was describing her potential liver failure and the fact that the doctor is recommending extreme changes to her diet to avoid the need for diabetes medication and that all of this needs to happen before surgery could be considered.  Her tone suggested that she could have been booking a carpet cleaner or organising her car for a service.  I looked at her again - she did seem to be a funny colour.

Having spent the day working with paramedics (being a simulated patient and giving feedback on their communication) I then visited the Medicare office to lodge my claim for some recent medical expenses.  The place was packed!  I had to squeeze into a space between two people who looked like they had been there for a while.  After five minutes the voice of the automated queue lulled us into calm - "A123 go to counter 4".  I had A 138 so it would be a while.  Twenty minutes to be exact.  There were ten counter bays and there were staff at three of them to begin with.  After a while, closed signs went up at two of the bays and the voice of the automated queue fell silent for ten minutes.  Then two people came back and things started moving again.

An older man expressed a lack of patience for waiting.  Two people with exotic accents asked when is a quiet time to come back and how long would they have to wait.  Someone was told it would be four weeks before they would receive their Medicare card.  A good looking man wearing a jumper with the logo for King Kong the musical came in - one of the dancers claiming for a work related injury?  Largely people sat in silence and played with their phones.

A138 was called to counter number 4 and within 90 seconds my claim had been lodged and I was being advised that the money would be in my bank account tomorrow.  Surely there's a way that could be lodged online?

This week is a week of health care education: today was the paramedics, tomorrow is mental health, Thursday I'll be trained in the role I'll be playing i upcoming medical exams and on Friday I'll be at the College of Surgeons working with healthcare educators who are learning about working with simulation as a teaching tool.

In the meantime, if you want to watch people and contemplate the frailty of human existence, the hospital cafeteria or hospital footpath are rich with examples.

How's your week looking?

Monday, 25 March 2013

Mobile phones at the theatre - detract from "Other Desert Cities".

Recently, I purchased a mini-subscription to the Melbourne Theatre Company's 2013 season.  It's been a few years since I had the funds and also the interest to invest in this way.  I've seen three plays and have two more to come.  Everything I've seen so far has been incredible - thought-provoking, moving, funny - everything you want live theatre to be.

On Saturday I went and saw "Other Desert Cities" at the Sumner Theatre.  The play itself has all the credentials - Pulitzer Prize and Tony Award nominations - and I'm not going to write a review of the play.  I will tell you that I tingled in the most dramatic moments and resolved into tears in the next moment.

As amazing as these moments were, they were spoiled.  It wasn't anything about the actors on stage, or the production itself.  No.  In the climactic scene a mobile phone rang.  When a mobile phone rings in this situation, it's not just the phone that causes a disturbance.  This particular phone's jaunty tune went for a long time, accompanied by whispers of "shit, shit, shit, shit" as the owner rustled through her bag. The phone is found and removed from the bag and the muffling effect of the bag disappears as the phone cuts clearly through the quiet of the auditorium.  The audience becomes restless.  Heads shake at the impropriety of it all.  There is a flicker of distraction that runs across the actors' faces.  The phone choked, we all return to the play.

Now, the climactic scene of this play is meaty.  Emotions are running high, secrets are revealed, characters shock us with their passion and deception.  You need to pay attention - you want to pay attention.  Then a second phone rings.  This one is two rows in front of me and I can see the owner.  Audience members around me start to groan and tut.  The phone is choked rapidly.  I want to choke the owner.

We settle back  Where were we?  Ah yes.  A third phone rings.  Just behind me - one row back, three seats away and within reach.  She actually leaves the theatre with her bag.  Good riddance I say.

Prior to the commencement of the play, a clear specific announcement is made to the audience, echoing the signs lining the entrance foyer:  "Please turn your mobile phone off."  The announcement even contextualises by adding "for the sake of the actors and the audience".

What is so hard about turning off the mobile phone?  Or if it must be left on, turning it to silent?  All three interruptions on Saturday occurred after interval.  Perhaps the announcement needs to be made after interval as well.  I find it difficult to understand why people can't take personal responsibility for this stuff anyway.  Why can't people consider their surroundings and be well-mannered enough to consider that it will be bad if their phone rings during the show.  Surely they aren't going to answer it while watching a play! So go on, switch it off.

Apart from being really annoyed myself, people were talking about the phones ringing, rather than the play on the way out of the theatre.  Such a distraction!  The actors did well (it must be so tempting to turn to the audience and berate them!).

Go and see this play.  And if you do, for goodness sake, turn your phone off!

What would be an appropriate punishment for people who leave their phones on?  Has your phone ever rung at an inopportune time?  What did you do?

Tuesday, 5 February 2013

Playing the bully - scary and thrilling.

Today my job was to be a bully.  I had to hector, harass and abuse a person in a subordinate role.  This person was going to seek advice from me as a the experienced person who had been identified as their mentor.  In the situation, it was the right thing for them to approach me with questions, but after the encounter, they would have been left disillusioned at least and perhaps traumatised at the most.

On one hand, it is thrilling to play roles where extreme behaviours or emotions need to be portrayed.  It allows me to explore the edges and the depths of what is in me.  It's always an interesting experience as an actor to confront the shadow self and discover the nature of your own darkness.  I also have some experience of bullies and call them up to borrow their behaviours and turn of phrase.

After playing this role repeatedly over the course of the day, I found myself snarling at other people involved in the simulation.  I had to consciously pull myself back.  As I walked down the street, people moved out of my way.  I knew the power of a look - I'd caused people to leave the room I as in just by looking at them.  This is an extremely compelling power to discover.

On the way home I had some errands to do.  I noticed a staff member arguing with a customer in much the same tones I had been using all day.  Again, I had to pull myself back and remember that I was no longer in role.

The reactions of people exposed to the character I am playing interests me.  If I heard someone behaving like my character I would either walk out or ask them to go away.  I would most likely ask them for their name and find a way to draw their behaviour to the attention of someone in authority.

Then I would wonder who their leader is and what messages they have sent that has created this kind of behaviour.

The saddest thing about this character and the scenario within which I am playing it is that she is based on real life experience.  It's exhausting being this person and I noticed that my face looks different - harder, tenser, angrier - when I arrived home this evening.  I immediately washed the character away in the shower.  I know that I have to step into her skin tomorrow.  I'm glad that I can step out again at the end of the day.

Saturday, 8 December 2012

My favourite things this week

1.  I know that the death of someone is not usually something that would turn up in a post like this, but jazz musician Dave Brubeck's death caused me to dust the cobwebs off the playlist and rediscover his music.  It's been a while.  From that exploration, I went for a wander around iTunes into Miles Davis, Thelonious Monk territory and have been feeling mellow and groovy ever since.  I even took some jazz for a wander around the piano keyboard myself.  I did it for hours this evening and it made me feel happy.  Oh and when will we be able to get the soundtrack to the television series Homeland?  I'm in the mood.

2.  Brief encounters have been a theme this week: a coffee here, a lunch there, a truncated work assigment, a few lines in an email.  They've all been good and left me wanting more.  Ah the freedom of freelance.

3.  Lying down on the job.  Today I was doing some simulation work that required me to lie on a hospital bed for the day.  I had my vital signs taken several times.  It was very relaxing - so relaxing that I had trouble staying awake.  Playing with the buttons on the adjustable bed is fun and provided some amusement in between students.  If they didn't look so hospitally, I'd get one of those beds for home.  My scientific observation for the day: my resting heart rate for most of the day was around 60 beats per minute and my temperature was about 36.8 degrees Celsius.  I had a styrofoam cup of instant coffee (bleh) to try and stay awake and immediately after my pulse was 74 beats per minute and my temperature had risen to 37.1 degrees Celsius.  I can only imagine what a good quality short black would do.  Or an encounter with George Clooney.

4.  Work offers that are exactly what you want, what you need and at the right time for everyone.  There's nothing else to say about that.

5.  This website:  The World Needs More Love Letters.  Sign up, why dontcha?  I have.  (Thanks to my friend Sue who put this in front of me.)

I'm nearly on holiday!  Only a couple more pieces of work for the year and I'll be onto my summer holiday reading list and crazy nail polish colours and plotting my novel.

Friday, 28 September 2012

My favourite things - this week

1. My diary for next week is my favourite thing this week.  There is NOTHING in it!
Empty
(c) divacultura 2012

 It's not often I feel happy about that, but with the recent frenetic pace, I'm quite happy to know that I can spend some time at home.  I know there's a lunch date sometime.  I have some accounts work to do.  I have some follow up from the empathy project.   These things can all be done at home.  That feels really good!

2. Getting dressed and ready for today's job.  I didn't even have to get dressed if I didn't want to.  I didn't have to shower.  Didn't do my hair and applied no makeup.  I picked up a pair of holey jeans  and a stinky t-shirt from the laundry pile.  Today I was playing a woman suffering from paranoid schizophrenia.  She is currently homeless.  It was a tough gig, but the wardrobe requirements were a dream.

3.  Flying on a plane with no audio visual distractions.  Usually I love the inflight entertainment, especially on longer flights.  Flying back from Brisbane last night there was not a screen anywhere to be seen.  I took the opportunity to put in some quality reading time.  I'm now 100 pages from the end of "Freedom" by Jonathan Franzen.  I'm loving it!  I did plug my ipod in and enjoyed the soundtrack to the Almodovar film "Hable Con Ella" (Talk to her).  It's gorgeous and perfect in the background.

4.  Surprising dining experiences in regional Australia.  I've been out to Traralgon a couple of times in the last couple of weeks, pulling into the Century Inn, right on the highway.  I sighed the first time I pulled, not expecting very much, but I was soon happily surprised.  The food in the restaurant is sensational!  I enjoyed a rib fillet steak with lyonnaise potatoes, baby leeks and red wine jus and a rocket, pear and parmesan salad on the side.  Beautifully cooked and bursting with flavour.

5.  Lipstick pink hire cars.  Everyone looked at the car as I zipped along the road.  It was fun, but I don't think I'd buy that colour.  Resale would be hard, but it would be visible in the parking lot.


Lipstick pink Yaris
(c) divacultura 2012

Sunday, 19 August 2012

I'm all heart - and it's beating!

On Friday I was hooked up to an ECG machine and being attended to by several paramedics.  It was an interesting day and there was nothing at all wrong with my heart.

I was playing a role and providing feedback about communication* to postgraduate paramedic students. The character I was playing was complaining of tightness in the chest, but didn't know the paramedics had been called.  It took a lot of convincing before I would let the paramedics attend to me.  Apparently this does happen.

This resistance was the hardest part of the role.  If I really had something wrong with my heart, you wouldn't need to convince me to do something about it.

During the first scenario with the first student, I had this sudden worry as he was taking my blood pressure and pulse - I hope he doesn't find anything wrong!  I may have been playing the role of someone else, but it was MY pulse, blood pressure and heart he was assessing!

I waited, a little nervously, for the results.

The last time I had my blood pressure taken it was a little on the high side and my doctor sent me for some investigations to rule out things like kidney problems before seeing if adjustments to lifestyle**could bring it down.  My blood pressure was very good.  (The bottom number was 70, last time it was 85.)  I was amazed and pleased.  Within the scenario when my blood pressure was being taken, I was highly agitated and very stressed, but this didn't show up in my blood pressure.  Yet another of the mysteries of acting.

Being hooked up to an ECG machine is a little freaky.  It's a fairly intimidating piece of equipment.  Suddenly you can see your heart rhythms and hear your heartbeat.  I was curious to know what all the different sensors were measuring, but didn't have the opportunity to find out.  The main thing is that my heart is great!  I thought my mini health checks were a great perk for this job.

Coming at the end of a week where I've been running workshops on empathy for undergraduate paramedic students (and other health care disciplines) it was really interesting to be in these encounters.  I've learned so much about paramedics.  As I approach another week of empathy workshops, having the context of my (fictional) encounters on Friday will surely enrich my facilitation.

DID YOU KNOW the machine which measures blood pressure is called a sphygmomanometer.  Try saying that five times, fast!

*The main communication issues came down to really simple things and are useful for everyone in all settings:
1. Use the name of the person you're talking to.  Many people ask for a name and then fail to use it.  Using a person's name creates intimacy and connection within the conversation, whatever its purpose or situation.
2. Don't use jargon.  It is alienating.  Listen for the words the other person uses and reflect their language.
3. Think about where you are positioned in relation to the person you're talking to. You can change the dynamics of the conversation by changing your "level" eg standing, sitting, stepping back.
4. Focus on the needs of the other person.  If someone is resisting doing what you need them to do, find out what matters to them and think about how doing what you need will actually help them meet their own needs.

** The main lifestyle factor that's different is actually my work.  I'm self employed now and while there are stresses, I feel that I'm living in a way that is more true to who I am.  I think this is the single biggest thing that has helped with my blood pressure.  (No medication required.)

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There's still time to win a 2-for-1 pass to see The Sapphires.  Entries close today, Sunday 19 August.  There are still a few left!  Details on how to enter are here.

Thursday, 22 March 2012

"Are you a real actor?"

If you're a regular reader, then you'll know that one of the things I do on a regular basis is work as an actress in an educational context.  This means doing everything from making films and being in still photographs to playing a particular character in a scripted scenario, playing a character within a specified context, or playing a role that a course participant describes on the spot.  In this last case it is usually someone with whom they work and want to practise dealing with.

The reactions that people have to this situation vary widely and are fascinating.

Earlier in the week, I was working in a different capacity with a group of executives at an organisation I've been working with regularly.  I usually remember the faces of people I've worked with before and they certainly remember me.  I recognised a particular man when he walked in the door and he confirmed that he'd previously been in a course I had facilitated and also played a particular colleague for him in a role play.

On the last day of the course this time he came up to me and asked me if I remembered playing "a particularly difficult Turkish man".  I confessed that I didn't have a specific memory and asked whether it was useful for him.  His eyes lit up and he said that he was a bit freaked out at the time because I was spookily like the difficult Turkish man.  He wanted to tell me how useful the opportunity to practise had been; he'd had the conversation he needed to have and was much better prepared as a result of our interaction.

I felt very happy.  I'm nothing like a "difficult Turkish man".  It's quite common for people to stop in the middle of one of these simulations/role plays because what they see before them is so like the person they have in mind.  This is one of the most creative aspects of this work - creating a character out of a few key pieces of behavioural information.  I've only once had someone complain that I was nothing like the person they'd described.  I'm surprised it doesn't happen more often, given what it is that we're doing.

Tonight I was working with a group of medical professionals who have been trained overseas and are preparing to qualify here in Australia.  I had to play a woman with anxiety, obsessive compulsive disorder and depression.  At one point I was asked about my family and whether anything had happened and I spoke about the death of my father.  The character I was playing was still grieving and as I spoke about my fictional father, tears started to well in my eyes.  I could feel the student I was working with, and the other students who were observing, look on and wonder whether what they were seeing was real.  When the scene was over they were very concerned to see that I was all right.  Naturally, I was.

In the debrief afterwards, I was asked whether I was really crying.  This is such a hard question to answer.  Physically I was crying:  there were tears in my eyes, my heart rate and breathing changed, my facial expression changed.  What I was crying for is a much harder question to answer and is one of the great mysteries and magical things about acting.

As I left for the evening, I ran into a couple of the students outside.  They wanted to know whether I was a "real actor".  I thought that was an interesting question, given what they had just been part of.  If they saw a plumber do a great job, or another doctor do a great job, I doubt they would ask whether the person was really what they seemed to be.  I don't think it was malicious; I think that good acting is a powerful and mysterious thing when you witness it in a theatre or on screen.  Imagine its power when you witness it up close and unrehearsed!  It's wonderful that this power is now being realised to provide profound and transforming educational experiences.

Wednesday, 29 February 2012

Exploring mental illness

It's been a strange day.

It seemed darker than usual at 7am. There were trucks reversing, making that beeping sound. They woke me up.

I got out of bed, earlier than I had planned.

Over breakfast, I got into the skin of the character I was playing in a film today.  It was complex and I don't think I've shaken her off yet.

She had Borderline Personality Disorder.  As I took on the details of her life and started to think about how I would bring her to be in the world, I felt myself slipping into the background.  I was providing my own wardrobe, so it was tricky to choose from my own things they needed to speak of her, rather than me.  She had a history of self-harm so I made sure my arms and legs were covered.  I'd been asked to wear no jewellery and felt naked as I walked out the door.  I always wear jewellery.

There was a lot of detail to remember and I had to summons feelings and manifestations of things that I have never myself experienced.  A sense of dissociation, a sense of nothing but black inside and a level of impulsiveness that goes well beyond just being spontaneous, were among them.

And then there was the sadness and difficulty of her life that needed to be brought into focus.

I always find when playing a role that I need to understand and accept the person I am to bring to life.  Today was a challenge, but I delivered.  The power of imagination and the ability to transform into someone else is one of the magical things about acting.  My face felt different.  My body was positioned differently from how I normally sit and stand. Everything was a different shape.

After the director called "cut" I felt myself start to rise to the surface again.  It's interesting that a sense of dissociation and lost time are what I often feel when I come out of a role and these are some of the characteristics of many mental illnesses.

I've put today's character away and learnt that I'm really glad I don't suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder.  And, while my life is not perfect in every respect, I am very happy to be living it.

The first thing I did when I arrived home was put on my earrings, necklace and rings, but it will take a good night's sleep to be fully present again...see you tomorrow.