Giving, receiving, thinking about and teaching feedback occupies a large proportion of my time, both at work and in my private life. I notice how people avoid it, crave it, botch it and do well and wonder at the variability of attitudes and capacity. Part of my vision for an improved world is doing it better and appreciating the value of feedback.
So I was pleased to recently work with a medical college in trial exams for candidates to practise and receive feedback about all aspects of their performance: medical knowledge, exam technique, communication with me, the simulated patient, and their overall competence.
My case was intense, requiring me to cry and be angry about the situation. As an acting job, it was excellent. I had a really lovely doctor to work with as he conducted the trial exam station.
Candidate after candidate struggled with both the medical knowledge and their capacity to communicate. They often freak out when confronted with a simulated patient who is crying and angry just like a real patient would be in the same situation. Usually they recover. I quickly discovered that the doctor with me had a very different view of good communication. I also learned that many candidates were having significant problems with the medical aspects of the case.
After all candidates had had their trial, we saw them again for two minutes of feedback. After hearing from the doctor how terrible everyone was, I was surprised to hear him start by telling people "you did well". He'd then list - in exhaustive detail - all the areas of failure. He sent them off by saying they "weren't too bad" or "but you did ok".
I was confused. The candidates looked confused. They really wanted to know about their performance. They were participating in this trial exam so that they knew where they had performed well and what they needed to improve. Instead they received a confusing message that left them with no information about what they should do next time. The next time would be when they sit the actual exam.
I took the opportunity to observe and think about what was going wrong and how I would coach the doctor on providing useful, effective feedback.
The first question I would ask would be "what's the purpose of the feedback you're about to deliver?" Then to further clarify, "what do you want to happen as a result of this person receiving your feedback?"
Answering these questions before any feedback conversation will help remove our sometimes overwhelming desire to be liked from the feedback conversation. Interestingly, if your purpose is clear and about helping the other person, they probably will like you because you've taken the time to give them effective feedback that will help them do better in their world.
Listening to the doctor deliver his confusing messages, I tried to discern his purpose; it seemed it was about fulfilling part of the process of the trial exam. Where's the value in that? Feedback is part of the process and there's no doubt there was an obligation on him to provide it, but if the purpose of feedback is merely procedural then no one will benefit. It will be hard to deliver and unhelpful to receive. At its worst, it may also have a negative impact on the relationship between people.
Consistently I find that a lack of clarity around purpose is where people stumble. And it's not just in feedback conversations. Any conversation can benefit from clarity of purpose. Where the conversation is a strategic one (rather than a casual one), it needs to be planned. If you do nothing else, be clear about the answers to these key questions:
1. what's the purpose of the feedback you're about to deliver?
2. what do you want to happen as a result of this person receiving your feedback?
It can change your life!
Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
Thursday, 9 October 2014
Monday, 11 August 2014
Leadership lessons - Shifting the boss/worker paradigm
A few weeks ago I was in the company of some former colleagues from my days as a union official. There were some people I was genuinely delighted to see. Years had passed and there were many questions about how I was now spending my time. I responded with passion and enthusiasm about the variety of things I'm working on, including leadership development for some big organisations. I was struck by the number of people who asked me outright, "Have you moved to the other side?"
The first time I was struck by the boldness of the question and could only manage a "no". After a few times, I started to react to the question with its inherent judgement and lack of curiosity. I pushed back.
"Why is leadership development perceived as being on the other side? What is the "other side" anyway?"
The answers were simplistic echoes of old class wars: you're supporting the bosses instead of the workers.
It was old-fashioned, limited thinking. I thought about the number of union members I'd talked to who had fallen victim to unskilled bosses and thought how much better it is for everyone if leaders in business are skilled in the business of leading their people. My response was met with a shrug.
People with locked in positions about workplace politics aren't limited to people working for trade unions. In a recent conversation with senior leaders we were discussing what is within our control and considering where we focus our attention and energy. The group nodded and acknowledged the wisdom of understanding this. Then a member of the group said they hated the fact that they knew their team members would go "straight to the union" after particular conversations with them. I could see their frustration and feel the temperature in the group increase as others agreed.
I asked what bothered this leader about the actions of their people. They told me they had no control over how messages were conveyed to the union. I asked whether the team members were doing something wrong in talking to their union. The group agreed that there was nothing wrong with this. The frustration remained.
"What would happen if you acknowledged, out loud, the conversations that they would have with their union?" Uncomfortable shuffling ensued.
"What would happen if you facilitated that conversation somehow?" Angry eyes looked at me.
"After you speak to your team, how can you control who they speak to next? What they say?"
Further frustration boiled over: "We can't!" "We just have to accept it!" came the responses.
Exactly.
Imagine what might happen if the focus changed. Instead of directing energy in a negative way towards a futile goal (ie stopping people talking to each other), consider the power of accepting what is not within your control and instead directing energy in a positive way, for example facilitating or nurturing a relationship, starting a conversation.
It fascinates me that the people who are in the relationship of employer and union are often misguided about the nature of that relationship. Many probably would disagree with the concept that a relationship even exists. Even sworn enemies have a relationship with each other.
Where do you put your energy? Is it within your control? What would happen if you shifted your focus?
The first time I was struck by the boldness of the question and could only manage a "no". After a few times, I started to react to the question with its inherent judgement and lack of curiosity. I pushed back.
"Why is leadership development perceived as being on the other side? What is the "other side" anyway?"
The answers were simplistic echoes of old class wars: you're supporting the bosses instead of the workers.
It was old-fashioned, limited thinking. I thought about the number of union members I'd talked to who had fallen victim to unskilled bosses and thought how much better it is for everyone if leaders in business are skilled in the business of leading their people. My response was met with a shrug.
People with locked in positions about workplace politics aren't limited to people working for trade unions. In a recent conversation with senior leaders we were discussing what is within our control and considering where we focus our attention and energy. The group nodded and acknowledged the wisdom of understanding this. Then a member of the group said they hated the fact that they knew their team members would go "straight to the union" after particular conversations with them. I could see their frustration and feel the temperature in the group increase as others agreed.
I asked what bothered this leader about the actions of their people. They told me they had no control over how messages were conveyed to the union. I asked whether the team members were doing something wrong in talking to their union. The group agreed that there was nothing wrong with this. The frustration remained.
"What would happen if you acknowledged, out loud, the conversations that they would have with their union?" Uncomfortable shuffling ensued.
"What would happen if you facilitated that conversation somehow?" Angry eyes looked at me.
"After you speak to your team, how can you control who they speak to next? What they say?"
Further frustration boiled over: "We can't!" "We just have to accept it!" came the responses.
Exactly.
Imagine what might happen if the focus changed. Instead of directing energy in a negative way towards a futile goal (ie stopping people talking to each other), consider the power of accepting what is not within your control and instead directing energy in a positive way, for example facilitating or nurturing a relationship, starting a conversation.
It fascinates me that the people who are in the relationship of employer and union are often misguided about the nature of that relationship. Many probably would disagree with the concept that a relationship even exists. Even sworn enemies have a relationship with each other.
Where do you put your energy? Is it within your control? What would happen if you shifted your focus?
Wednesday, 23 October 2013
Ladies and Gentlemen - The art of being MC
I've spent the last three days as an MC at Work Safe Week at the Melbourne Convention Centre. One of the great things about being an MC is that you get to meet lots of really interesting people and learn from them. I've spent time learning about everything from manual handling risks and solutions to removing slip, trip and fall hazards; the impact of fatigue on safety at work to how injured or sick people think. I've chaired panels of Work Safe Inspectors and Health and Safety Representatives and there was never a moment when I was anything less than interested in what I was hearing.
There was a common passion all of these people had - the desire to make sure everyone comes home from work safely and the desire to support people in workplaces across the state to help make this a reality.
At the end of each presentation I facilitated a Q & A session. Generally people had genuine questions and were pleased to have the opportunity to ask and respectful of the people asking them. Occasionally, the soap box would be wheeled out and an audience member would ramble on with a story, or argue with the answer they had been given. On one occasion, an attendee attacked the panel on the quality of their presentation. My other favourite thing is when someone argues from the floor about whether or not they really need to use the microphone to ask their questions. Usually the audience will tell them that they do need to use it, as they struggle to actually hear what is being asked.
It's these moments that cause clients to congratulate themselves on the decision to hire an MC, presenters to thank the gods that they don't have to manage the situation. Other members of the audience will breathe a sigh of relief and silently (or actually) applaud when tricky audience situations are sensitively and firmly handled. It's moments like these that cause me to wonder what's going on for a person who feels the need to publicly have a go at volunteers who are serving their workplace community.
The Sufi saying about being aware that every single person you meet is in a silent battle with something that you don't know about, springs to mind.
One of the themes for the event was that change begins with a single action. I asked participants to consider what "one thing" they would do when they returned to their workplace.
My workplace varies wildly from day to day; often I'm at work at the kitchen table at home. My apartment was built in the days where each room only had one power point, so I have electrical cords running all over the place. I'm off to buy some gaffer tape and some extension leads so I can secure the cords out of the way and reduce my risk of a slip, trip or fall at home.
I spent the whole event working in the one room with the same tech guy. He was great to work with and instilled confidence in me and the presenters that he would make sure everything worked smoothly. I spent time every day talking to him and appreciating him; this morning I gave him a small box of chocolates to say thank you. He was chuffed. It was a small gesture that was easy to do and sincerely intended and I know that I have someone in my network who would not hesitate to recommend my work.
Did you go to the Work Safe Week event? What's the one thing you need to do in your workplace to remove a hazard or risk? Do you go out of your way to show appreciation to the people you rely on? How easy are you to work with?
And lastly, having spent three days in the MC role and contemplating my appearance on Million Dollar Minute (on the television in 8 minutes) I do wonder why game show hosts are usually male. Why is that?
There was a common passion all of these people had - the desire to make sure everyone comes home from work safely and the desire to support people in workplaces across the state to help make this a reality.
At the end of each presentation I facilitated a Q & A session. Generally people had genuine questions and were pleased to have the opportunity to ask and respectful of the people asking them. Occasionally, the soap box would be wheeled out and an audience member would ramble on with a story, or argue with the answer they had been given. On one occasion, an attendee attacked the panel on the quality of their presentation. My other favourite thing is when someone argues from the floor about whether or not they really need to use the microphone to ask their questions. Usually the audience will tell them that they do need to use it, as they struggle to actually hear what is being asked.
It's these moments that cause clients to congratulate themselves on the decision to hire an MC, presenters to thank the gods that they don't have to manage the situation. Other members of the audience will breathe a sigh of relief and silently (or actually) applaud when tricky audience situations are sensitively and firmly handled. It's moments like these that cause me to wonder what's going on for a person who feels the need to publicly have a go at volunteers who are serving their workplace community.
The Sufi saying about being aware that every single person you meet is in a silent battle with something that you don't know about, springs to mind.
One of the themes for the event was that change begins with a single action. I asked participants to consider what "one thing" they would do when they returned to their workplace.
My workplace varies wildly from day to day; often I'm at work at the kitchen table at home. My apartment was built in the days where each room only had one power point, so I have electrical cords running all over the place. I'm off to buy some gaffer tape and some extension leads so I can secure the cords out of the way and reduce my risk of a slip, trip or fall at home.
I spent the whole event working in the one room with the same tech guy. He was great to work with and instilled confidence in me and the presenters that he would make sure everything worked smoothly. I spent time every day talking to him and appreciating him; this morning I gave him a small box of chocolates to say thank you. He was chuffed. It was a small gesture that was easy to do and sincerely intended and I know that I have someone in my network who would not hesitate to recommend my work.
Did you go to the Work Safe Week event? What's the one thing you need to do in your workplace to remove a hazard or risk? Do you go out of your way to show appreciation to the people you rely on? How easy are you to work with?
And lastly, having spent three days in the MC role and contemplating my appearance on Million Dollar Minute (on the television in 8 minutes) I do wonder why game show hosts are usually male. Why is that?
Tuesday, 12 February 2013
What's changed in two years?
Lately I've been noticing my reactions to situations and thinking about how differently I would have reacted two years ago. As I contemplate that, I am grateful that the situations that cause me to think about this are happening now (when I am better equipped) and not two years ago.
For example, last week I was doing some work for a client in the building that I used to work in. There are training and meeting rooms on one of the floors in the building so I go there fairly frequently. Not long after I finished my full time employment, I had to visit this building for some work. As I approached the building and contemplated going in, I had what I now know to be a panic attack - fast, shallow breathing, elevated heart rate, clammy sweat, hot flush of rash creeping up my neck and a feeling of general terror. Four years have passed since then and I can now look back and read all the signals about what was going on at that workplace which I couldn't see at the time. Reflection point number one.
Last week as I walked into the building, one of the people with whom I used to work came out of the building. She said hello and asked me what I was doing there. I responded with the facts, "I'm working with a client."
"Oh which client? What are you doing?"
"I'm working as an actress doing corporate roleplay for senior leadership development in one of the banks."
"You're kidding!?" (Where is an interrobang when you need one?)
And there they hung, those words.
Most artists will know the common urging from people who aren't artists about it being time to get a real job. It might be phrased as "your acting/art/music etc is wonderful, but can't you just have it as a hobby so you can go off and get a real job?" The concern about the real job is usually strongly tethered to the need to earn money.
Two years ago I would have felt the panic rise in expectation of the impending judgement. This time I didn't. This is my work and I make a good living.
I said: "Actually I'm not kidding. This is my work and I make a very good living out of it."
She reacted, quickly seeking to retract. It was as if she suddenly realised what that statement actually could mean.
We both ended the conversation. As I walked to the lift I contemplated my reaction. I'm pleased that I was able to stand up, proudly, for my work and not allow it, and me, to be dismissed, but reading back on this, I wonder how I will come across. There is more context to the relationship with this particular person that I'm not prepared to lay out here and I don't know whether it's relevant.
This is but one example. I'm finding in the project I'm managing where I'm back in an office for a couple of days a week, that I'm being confronted with everything I don't like about that environment. There is some good stuff too, but apart from the work itself, I'm being regularly confronted with the things that are challenging.
With another round of leadership development conversations coming up with another client (I'll be facilitating), it's timely that I am refreshing my experience in a hands-on leadership role.
I recently found myself needing to have an honest conversation with a member of the project team. As I prepared for it, I could hear myself coaching myself from the sidelines. A couple of years ago, my reaction and ability to handle that person would have been quite different. I would have dealt with the situation, but I think it would have taken longer and the landing have been less comfortable. For everyone.
The value of reflection is something that artists understand and practise - it is essential to artistry and artistic process, regardless of the art form. Lately, I'm hearing about reflection in the corporate setting and in medical training. It makes me happy to see the wisdom of artists permeating other disciplines. Lately, reflection has given me the opportunity to learn a lot about myself and my growth and how I'm going in my business (which is still less than two years' old.). I was very pleased to notice that I'm better suited to consulting than being attached to one office and one organisation. Thank goodness I made the right decision!
What have you reflected on lately? What are you noticing?
For example, last week I was doing some work for a client in the building that I used to work in. There are training and meeting rooms on one of the floors in the building so I go there fairly frequently. Not long after I finished my full time employment, I had to visit this building for some work. As I approached the building and contemplated going in, I had what I now know to be a panic attack - fast, shallow breathing, elevated heart rate, clammy sweat, hot flush of rash creeping up my neck and a feeling of general terror. Four years have passed since then and I can now look back and read all the signals about what was going on at that workplace which I couldn't see at the time. Reflection point number one.
Last week as I walked into the building, one of the people with whom I used to work came out of the building. She said hello and asked me what I was doing there. I responded with the facts, "I'm working with a client."
"Oh which client? What are you doing?"
"I'm working as an actress doing corporate roleplay for senior leadership development in one of the banks."
"You're kidding!?" (Where is an interrobang when you need one?)
And there they hung, those words.
Most artists will know the common urging from people who aren't artists about it being time to get a real job. It might be phrased as "your acting/art/music etc is wonderful, but can't you just have it as a hobby so you can go off and get a real job?" The concern about the real job is usually strongly tethered to the need to earn money.
Two years ago I would have felt the panic rise in expectation of the impending judgement. This time I didn't. This is my work and I make a good living.
I said: "Actually I'm not kidding. This is my work and I make a very good living out of it."
She reacted, quickly seeking to retract. It was as if she suddenly realised what that statement actually could mean.
We both ended the conversation. As I walked to the lift I contemplated my reaction. I'm pleased that I was able to stand up, proudly, for my work and not allow it, and me, to be dismissed, but reading back on this, I wonder how I will come across. There is more context to the relationship with this particular person that I'm not prepared to lay out here and I don't know whether it's relevant.
This is but one example. I'm finding in the project I'm managing where I'm back in an office for a couple of days a week, that I'm being confronted with everything I don't like about that environment. There is some good stuff too, but apart from the work itself, I'm being regularly confronted with the things that are challenging.
With another round of leadership development conversations coming up with another client (I'll be facilitating), it's timely that I am refreshing my experience in a hands-on leadership role.
I recently found myself needing to have an honest conversation with a member of the project team. As I prepared for it, I could hear myself coaching myself from the sidelines. A couple of years ago, my reaction and ability to handle that person would have been quite different. I would have dealt with the situation, but I think it would have taken longer and the landing have been less comfortable. For everyone.
The value of reflection is something that artists understand and practise - it is essential to artistry and artistic process, regardless of the art form. Lately, I'm hearing about reflection in the corporate setting and in medical training. It makes me happy to see the wisdom of artists permeating other disciplines. Lately, reflection has given me the opportunity to learn a lot about myself and my growth and how I'm going in my business (which is still less than two years' old.). I was very pleased to notice that I'm better suited to consulting than being attached to one office and one organisation. Thank goodness I made the right decision!
What have you reflected on lately? What are you noticing?
Monday, 4 February 2013
Bad news received in public
Travelling on the train on Saturday morning on my way to choir practice is often an interesting experience. The people using public transport outside peak times appears to be a very different group. It's also much less crowded so when someone takes a phone call, you can hear everything.
On Saturday a man sitting a few seats away took a phone call. I didn't really pay much attention initially, but something caught my attention when I heard him say that he was in touch with his brother and spoke to him about four times a year.
Perhaps my ears pricked up as I tried to make sense of this statement. Compared to my relationships with my brother and sister, speaking about four times a year wouldn't really constitute being in touch. I wondered who had called and what question it was they had asked.
The man had his back to me and I saw his breathing sharpen as he listened. Then I noticed colour rise up his neck until his face was flushed.
I continued to listen and observe.
"We always said that if something happened to him it would be days before anyone noticed."
Someone has just told him that his brother has either fallen ill, had an accident or died I thought to myself.
"So what happened?" the man on the train asked.
"Where's his body now? Is it in the morgue at the hospital?"
This man's brother was dead. He'd been told the news when he was alone, yet surrounded by people. I wanted to reach out to him and offer some condolence or support - not that I knew the man or his brother, but I felt the need to let him know he wasn't alone.
"Yes, well I can't be there tomorrow. I've got something else on."
That brought me right back to earth. I had no knowledge of this man or his relationship with his brother. I still felt sad for him, but felt that a comment from me would not be well-received.
I'd hate to be at a point where a stranger called me to tell me a member of my family had died and my response was to have other priorities. I suppose that putting effort in after death is a little pointless - what matters is relationships while people live.
I reconsidered my family relationships. I speak regularly on the phone, email and skype with all members of my immediate family. I only physically see them about once a year as we are spread all over the country. I speak to my sister the least, not intentionally; it's probably a symptom of living very different lives on very different schedules. I resolved to remind myself to treasure all my relationships - family and friends - and make sure I'm doing more than just chatting on facebook.
How are your relationships?
On Saturday a man sitting a few seats away took a phone call. I didn't really pay much attention initially, but something caught my attention when I heard him say that he was in touch with his brother and spoke to him about four times a year.
Perhaps my ears pricked up as I tried to make sense of this statement. Compared to my relationships with my brother and sister, speaking about four times a year wouldn't really constitute being in touch. I wondered who had called and what question it was they had asked.
The man had his back to me and I saw his breathing sharpen as he listened. Then I noticed colour rise up his neck until his face was flushed.
I continued to listen and observe.
"We always said that if something happened to him it would be days before anyone noticed."
Someone has just told him that his brother has either fallen ill, had an accident or died I thought to myself.
"So what happened?" the man on the train asked.
"Where's his body now? Is it in the morgue at the hospital?"
This man's brother was dead. He'd been told the news when he was alone, yet surrounded by people. I wanted to reach out to him and offer some condolence or support - not that I knew the man or his brother, but I felt the need to let him know he wasn't alone.
"Yes, well I can't be there tomorrow. I've got something else on."
That brought me right back to earth. I had no knowledge of this man or his relationship with his brother. I still felt sad for him, but felt that a comment from me would not be well-received.
I'd hate to be at a point where a stranger called me to tell me a member of my family had died and my response was to have other priorities. I suppose that putting effort in after death is a little pointless - what matters is relationships while people live.
I reconsidered my family relationships. I speak regularly on the phone, email and skype with all members of my immediate family. I only physically see them about once a year as we are spread all over the country. I speak to my sister the least, not intentionally; it's probably a symptom of living very different lives on very different schedules. I resolved to remind myself to treasure all my relationships - family and friends - and make sure I'm doing more than just chatting on facebook.
How are your relationships?
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