My workplace bully met me today.

Today I encountered a woman who had bullied me at work. I did something I would not have imagined a few years ago. I said hello to her.

The first thing I noticed was that my heart didn't race and I didn't feel like I was having a panic attack. I would experience these things whenever I had to deal with her at work, so this was significant. I was feeling secure and successful and I was looking fabulous. (I'd had a free afternoon after finishing work with a client, so I'd walked into a hair salon and had my hair blow waved.)

It felt wonderful to stand in front of her and deliver the message that I had survived and thrived, in spite of her best efforts to pull me to pieces. 

When talking about my best and worst leaders in leadership development, this woman is the person who springs to mind as the example of my worst leader. I led a team in the area she oversaw. The team was geographically dispersed and she regularly convened telephone conferences, preceded by an overload of detailed email requests. 

I specifically remember one incident when my team was confused by an email request she had sent. They asked me for guidance. I didn't know what it meant either, so agreed to raise it during the telephone conference. 

She discussed all the items on her agenda and then asked if anyone had anything else to discuss. I posed the question about what her email meant on behalf of the team. She responded by asking me if I had read the email and then stated that she assumed that I could in fact read. 

I have never felt so small. I couldn't speak. I felt as though I was being attacked. My team gaped at me. None of us spoke up. I think we were paralysed with fear. The telephone conference ended, none of us knew what she was asking of us and I spent my time avoiding my boss as much as possible. 

Not only did this woman give me my "worst leader" example, but she also gave me a character to develop. Over the last two days, I've been playing a senior doctor who is a bully and who spends her time belittling and humiliating her registrar. I often pose the question about reading capability when I'm playing this role.

During today's encounter, I noticed that this woman did not use my name once, yet I greeted her by using both her first name and surname. She asked me what I was doing now and I was very happy to speak about my success. She didn't congratulate me. She terminated the conversation very quickly. I wonder if she felt nervous meeting me again. Perhaps she has reflected on her behaviour and treatment of me and now regrets it. Whether she regrets it or not, I'm so pleased I took the chance to display my survival and success. Today, I took her power away.

Have you ever met your bully again? How did you feel? What did the bully do?

I love coming back to work!

During the last week of my holiday I was regularly asked when I was returning to work. I have a very full dance card for the next few weeks and would respond that I was going straight back into work.

The usual response was along the lines of "oh you poor thing" or "oh that will be hard" or "oh well" and accompanied by copious eye rolls. I also noticed my social media feed was filled with articles about how to beat the return to work blues.

When I'd let the person know that I was actually quite happy to get back into work they would look at me like I was crazy and then ask me what it is that I do.

Rather than respond with details of the tasks, I would talk about the how I feel about my work. My work is interesting, stimulating, juicy, important, challenging, good, fulfilling, creative, diverse and the people with whom I do it are wonderful. They're smart, committed, inspiring and good fun to be with. Why would I be sad to return to that?

The inevitable next question was about how do you get to do THAT?

Well, I made it myself. I'm so thrilled that now I'm in a position to largely choose the people around me and how I spend my time. If I take something on and it doesn't feel happy then I either work to change it or walk away.

I'm noticing that as my business approaches its fifth birthday I have some solid collaborations which are good for me and attractive to people who want to engage us. Even in the most serious environment, laughter and fun is appealing and people generally want to be around it.

Not everyone is in a position to start their own business, but everyone is able to choose their attitude and how they engage with the people around them. Let's face it, people who are pleasant to be around are attractive and spread goodwill.

Are you fun to be around? What's your attitude? 

The ritual of grief - remembering those who died at work

My last post was in early October. I've been pondering why I have not been feeling the compulsion to write. It wasn't that I was "blocked", I could still write easily and freely when required. Fellow writers and regular readers kept telling me how much they hoped I would start to write again. This was lovely feedback and support, but still the desire wasn't there.

A few weeks ago I realised what had happened. I had so much going on in my life that I just couldn't talk about publicly. The filtering was so much harder. After the filtering, the sifting through what was left to see if there was anything available to spin a story of interest to readers. There wasn't.

So much of my writing is based on observing the behaviour and interactions of others and thinking about the encounters that I have out in the world. When many of my interactions became confidential or deeply personal, I could not filter enough; or filtered so much that there was a mere speck of a detail left. I may as well write about the dust on top of the fridge!

This week, all of that has been shaken out of the way with two experiences. The first experience I can't write about just now, the second one happened today.



Today I sang as a member of vocal group Mood Swing at a service to remember and celebrate the lives of those who have died from work-related causes. The annual remembrance service is conducted by the Uniting Church's Creative Ministries Network, GriefWork and I knew that it would be a sombre, sad occasion. I also know that sometimes my empathetic nature makes it hard for me to be in this kind of situation without being emotionally moved.

Families, workmates and other members of the community came to share a ritual of grief with their community. As I listened to the reflections, prayers and personal experiences I was moved by the courage on display. Death is part of what it is to be human, but it is so much worse when that death was preventable and far too early. I was struck by the open way in which tears and grief were discussed in the coolness of the church. The summer sun illuminated gloriously the stained glass windows, their stories reminding us about death and sacrifice. These workers who died because of something at their workplace were not martyrs for a cause or a better world. They were innocent people, going about their daily lives and earning a living to support themselves and their families. To work is one of the most revered activities in our contemporary world and it has so many casualties.

I was shocked to hear so many of the deaths were suicides caused by workplace bullying. How can this happen? How can it be so severe as to go unnoticed, with the victim left unsupported with only one, terrible solution available to them? I could feel my anger stirring.

Woven stories - the commemorative quilt.
© 2014 divacultura

Candles were lit, illuminating the photographs and mementos bringing lost loved ones into our hearts. A memorial quilt was unfurled and hung beneath the big window. Names of those lost were read. Each new gesture renewed my tears as grief and anger swelled inside me.


One woman, Olive, spoke about the loss of her husband 10 years ago. He was shot at work. Their son was 6 months old at the time. Olive is an amazing woman. She showed courage as she spoke about the deeply personal relationship she has with her grief and her struggle. She spoke about thoughts being the language of the mind and feelings being the language of the body. On the subject of forgiveness, she spoke about the challenge and how she has recently realised that forgiveness isn't for the person who pulled the trigger and it can't change the past; it's for her. Through forgiveness she acknowledges she can become a bigger, stronger person. We all can. I examined who in my life I need to forgive.

After the service, I thanked her for sharing and acknowledged her courage in speaking the way she did. She looked uncertain and asked me if it was "all right". I responded: "You are extraordinary and what you did today was an amazing privilege to witness." Tears filled her eyes. Tears filled my eyes. She hugged me.

The inclusion of music in such a service is a beautiful and inspired choice. The songs we sang today were all part of our repertoire and I can regularly sing them without tears flowing. Today, a new poignancy was discovered in the words. The program promised songs of "justice, sorrow and hope". We sang:

He's Sweet I Know
Waiting on an Angel
Don't feel no ways tired
Come and stand in that river
Lean on me
Irish Blessing.

At the end of the service we stood in a circle and were invited to say something about our experience of the service. (Such an inclusive act, not just the  priest or designated authority allowed to speak!) A woman standing next to me patted my arm and asked me if I was all right. Unlike me, she had lost someone and was enquiring into my well being!

Thoughtful, simple rituals, can be so powerful in helping us express and come together to share our feelings, whether they be sad or joyful. How I miss them in daily life.

I left the church thinking about the death of cricketer Phil Hughes who suffered death in his workplace. The simple act of the community at large placing cricket bats outside, bears out the power and importance of ritual to help us heal.

© 2014 divacultura

Leadership lessons - Shifting the boss/worker paradigm

A few weeks ago I was in the company of some former colleagues from my days as a union official. There were some people I was genuinely delighted to see. Years had passed and there were many questions about how I was now spending my time. I responded with passion and enthusiasm about the variety of things I'm working on, including leadership development for some big organisations. I was struck by the number of people who asked me outright, "Have you moved to the other side?"

The first time I was struck by the boldness of the question and could only manage a "no". After a few times, I started to react to the question with its inherent judgement and lack of curiosity. I pushed back.

"Why is leadership development perceived as being on the other side? What is the "other side" anyway?"

The answers were simplistic echoes of old class wars: you're supporting the bosses instead of the workers.

It was old-fashioned, limited thinking. I thought about the number of union members I'd talked to who had fallen victim to unskilled bosses and thought how much better it is for everyone if leaders in business are skilled in the business of leading their people. My response was met with a shrug.

People with locked in positions about workplace politics aren't limited to people working for trade unions.  In a recent conversation with senior leaders we were discussing what is within our control and considering where we focus our attention and energy. The group nodded and acknowledged the wisdom of understanding this. Then a member of the group said they hated the fact that they knew their team members would go "straight to the union" after particular conversations with them. I could see their frustration and feel the temperature in the group increase as others agreed.

I asked what bothered this leader about the actions of their people. They told me they had no control over how messages were conveyed to the union. I asked whether the team members were doing something wrong in talking to their union. The group agreed that there was nothing wrong with this. The frustration remained.


"What would happen if you acknowledged, out loud, the conversations that they would have with their union?" Uncomfortable shuffling ensued.

"What would happen if you facilitated that conversation somehow?" Angry eyes looked at me.

"After you speak to your team, how can you control who they speak to next? What they say?"

Further frustration boiled over: "We can't!" "We just have to accept it!" came the responses.

Exactly.

Imagine what might happen if the focus changed. Instead of directing energy in a negative way towards a futile goal (ie stopping people talking to each other), consider the power of accepting what is not within your control and instead directing energy in a positive way, for example facilitating or nurturing a relationship, starting a conversation.

It fascinates me that the people who are in the relationship of employer and union are often misguided about the nature of that relationship. Many probably would disagree with the concept that a relationship even exists. Even sworn enemies have a relationship with each other.

Where do you put your energy? Is it within your control? What would happen if you shifted your focus?

The compulsion of the mobile phone - is that email really so important?

When I facilitate groups, I've noticed that the way I set up expectations about the use of personal devices like mobile phones, ipads, laptops has changed significantly. If I don't have an explicit conversation about boundaries and respect, then participants would be checking emails, facebook and tweeting throughout their learning sessions.

When I'm working with leaders, I talk about the messages they send to their team if they are consistently responsive to emails and phone messages. I ask whether they have faith in the team they have around them to carry on in their absence. Generally they nod and smile and tell me they have complete faith in their team. A few moments later, they'll be surreptitiously reading email under the desk.

Reading email on the phone under the desk is the same as picking your nose when you're driving the car: everyone can see what you're doing!

Why is it that the information and communication on our phones has apparently become more compelling than the interactions occurring beside us?

After setting up and gaining explicit agreement about phones being put away and only checked during breaks so that focus is intense, participants engaged and fellow students respected, usually people adhere to that agreement.  Sometimes, however, they don't. I know that this really gets under my skin and I need to make a choice about how I respond.

I'm now clear that when I've set boundaries, the group looks to me to help them hold those boundaries in place. If behaviour that is outside what the group has established occurs and is left unchecked by the leader (me) then very soon resentment will breed and the agreement will crumble.

Sometimes when I speak directly to someone about the boundaries and how they're outside them, they look to me to tell them what they should do. I don't. I remind them of where they are and what they've agreed and tell them that they need to make a choice that takes account of their commitment and respect for the group as well as their own needs. Mostly, they put the phone away and meet the needs of the group and their commitment to it.

And then at the end of the day, someone will shake my hand and say goodbye with the ipod already plugged in. Talk about feeling dismissed!

How do you manage the compulsion of the mobile phone?

Retrospection - today from dusk to dawn

At about 5:30 this evening I walked into a store and said hello to the woman behind the counter. I asked her how she was. She said she was fine and then smiled and told me that I was the first person to genuinely connect with her all day. That would have been a long day.

Before that, I was on a tram. The tram was very crowded. As I sat, travelling along, my phone rang. Just as I answered it, the tram driver asked everyone to stand back from the doors. That tram was like a sardine can. There was no stepping back from anywhere. There was a woman right in front of the doors with a baby in one of those old-fashioned prams that take up an entire city block. She wasn't stepping back from any doors. That tram must have had the only PA system that was working - if by working you mean announcements were louder than a thrash metal concert. In the space of a ten minute tram journey, the driver made about five announcements. The person who had rung me offered to throttle the driver.

Before that, a colleague asked me to look at a bowl of something in the fridge. It was a white bowl and covered in plastic wrap. The contents looked like tomato sauce, but lumpy. I felt sick and walked away. It looked like offal.

Before that, I was sitting at my desk. The desk is one of many I occupy on a regular basis. I don't have an exclusive desk. I "hot desk". Colleagues in the office recognise me by the sound of my wheels on the carpet as I move in for the day.

Before that, the N'Espresso machine in the tea room spluttered out the last bit of milk. I didn't know where the "fresh milk cannisters" were kept and there was no one to ask, so I decided I would have a macchiato.

Before that I awoke to find no milk in the house so had breakfast on the run. I'd ordered what I call a breakfast tortilla - a tortilla with bacon and eggs wrapped inside. The girl who handed it to me told me what it was to confirm the order with these words: "ingri blekky lap". I had no idea what she had said. The first time was because I didn't hear her. After the sixth request for her to repeat herself, I understood she was handing me an English Brekky Wrap. Thank GOD. If she hadn't told me what it was, I could have been eating anything for breakfast.

It's been a long day, but looks better when considered backwards.

How was your day?

State of the Union - there's an elephant in the room

Tonight I attended a Fifth Estate session at Melbourne's Wheeler Centre  called "State of the Union". The panel was hosted by Sally Warhaft and included John Howe, a labour law specialist and Lisa Fitzpatrick a current official from the Victorian Branch of the  Australian Nursing and Midwifery Federation. (Alan Boulton from the Fair Work Commission was ill and unable to attend.)

It's a timely discussion to have, given the back drop of the Abbott Government announcing a royal commission into union corruption, the announcement of a Productivity Commission inquiry into working conditions like penalty rates and Craig Thompson's guilty verdict for misusing union members' money. The Abbott government is ideologically hostile to the idea of unions, while labelling themselves as the "best friend of workers", so bad behaviour by an individual is pounced on as justification for actions with wide ranging impact.

The conversation started with the wide question of whether there is still a  place for unions in modern Australia. The lawyer said yes on the basis that unions monitor compliance and enforce standards set in agreements and Awards. He specifically differentiated the capacity from that of government regulators by noting that unions are "on the ground" and see things that others can not.

The question to the union official was about the credibility and culture of unions. She rightly highlighted the difference between what members think about the unions they belong to and the image of unions peddled by tabloid media.

Over the course of the hour, many references were made to past successes of the union movement. The current context was framed around dwindling membership numbers of unions generally.

There's always an elephant in the room when the discussion happens: unions are still linked to single sectors or industries, a design that fundamentally ignores the changing face of where work is, how people work and what workers worry about and want.

I don't mind using myself as an example. I was a union member for over 15 years. I have spent a large portion of my working life in the union movement in voluntary, elected and employed positions. Since 2008, I have been a member of a union for about 15 months. At the time I was working in a bank part time and then full time for a few months, so I joined the Finance Sector Union. While I worked part time, I also worked for the Victorian AIDS Council. Financially, it made no sense for me to be in two unions. From a personal point of view, it made a lot of sense to be represented as a union member in both work places, but there was no way to do this.

Fast forward to now and my work situation is even more multi-faceted. Apart from being self-employed, I also work on a casual basis for a private health care organisation, several universities, professional colleges within the health sector, as well as being a freelance actor and writer working very broadly.

With the union movement still designed to align with industries, sectors or crafts, there is no relevance to the way I participate in the workforce. I'm a committed unionist and there's no space for me in the current arrangements. What about younger workers who have no experience of the good that unions can do and little connection to how they benefit from union representation at the bargaining table or in the courts enforcing their rights and conditions? Or the ambivalent worker? There is little hope of recruiting them while ever the structure is tied to old identities and has no focus on the changing needs of the workforce.

It's okay for nurses and teachers - their occupations mean they tend to work in hospitals and schools and are less dispersed across a variety of sectors. A nurse who works for two days in aged care and three days in a boarding school is still a nurse wherever s/he works, but people like me who are highly mobile and have generalist skills will be doing different things in a wide variety of places. I know that I'm not the only one.

I tried my hardest to talk about the elephant in the room when question time came. My hand was up the minute the invitation was issued, but I didn't get a look in. Four blokes in their 60's spoke about "militancy" and "the great strikes" and put positions focussed on recreating past glories, rather than asking questions. To me, this is a representation of the old ways and one of the problems with these kinds of discussions. The last question was posed by a young woman about the casualised workforce and the need for unions to appeal to these workers and I was happy the issue had been raised. 

The answers left me uninspired. The lawyer spoke about legal mechanisms to roll over to permanent employment. The union official said it was something she didn't need to consider. 

Right there is the problem - solutions reliant on things external to the unions themselves and a complete lack of imagination and strategic thinking. While ever the focus of unions is on their own survival, they are not paying attention to their potential members who are grappling with a fast changing world of work. It makes me sad because unions have an important social role to play. Ideas that people with no power or little power are able to represent themselves on an equal footing with their employer are ridiculous. 

You can listen to a podcast of tonight's discussion (and other topics) here.

What do you think about unions in the modern world? Are they relevant? What's their role? Why are you/aren't you a member? 
If you were at the Wheeler Centre, what did you think about the discussion?

I'd love to continue the conversation on this page or over on Facebook.

Union corruption inquiry - what's it really for?

Prime Minister Tony Abbott's announcement of a Royal Commission to investigate corruption in the union movement is hardly surprising. He can't very well legislate to bring down unions in the way the Howard Government's Work Choices was designed to do, so instead he's done something even more potent. The frame for discussion whenever unions or union officials is mentioned is that fundamentally both are corrupt and they have to prove that they are not. This is probably politically more effective than resurrecting the "dead, buried and cremated" Work Choices legislation.

As a former union official, I know the effort, dedication, sacrifice and commitment that I brought to my work. I also saw it in those around me. I didn't see corruption and believe that I would have stood up if I had. I hope so - I was never confronted with that situation, so it's hypothetical anyway.

Today I agreed with Tony Abbott when he said: ""Honest workers and honest unionists should not be ripped off by corrupt officials and honest businesses should be able to go about their work without fear of intimidation, corruption (and) standover tactics."

Listening to union leaders and Labor parliamentarians respond to news of the Royal Commission is less than inspiring; to me, they sound defensive. The only possible answer is to say "Yes! bring on the Royal Commission. We are confident about our governance. If you do find corruption then we'll say thank you because we are not corrupt. Fundamentally, we are good people doing noble work, ensuring workers have a voice." I suppose it's hard to answer that way when you know that there's an agenda to destroy you and the organisations of which you are a custodian.

The practical problem arising from the Royal Commission is the cost of being involved. There won't be financial assistance for unions required to give evidence, surrender records and be represented. These costs will come from members' dues as members' dues are the main income for most unions. While unions are busy complying with the directions of the Royal Commission they'll be stretched thin and distracted from the business of representing members, negotiating agreements, enforcing agreements and so on. Eventually, the whole thing makes them look self-interested.

It's also interesting to hear the Government rhetoric about breaches of trust and officials inappropriately using money given to them by the people they represent. Goodness me, but that's how I describe Liberal parliamentarians going to social events like friends' weddings and claiming tax payer funds in the form of travel allowance to cover their costs. I can only hear tumbleweeds when this is mentioned. I doubt we'll ever hear Prime Minister Abbott say that honest tax payers and honest citizens should not be ripped off by corrupt parliamentarians using funds to attend social events - especially if they're on his side of the House.

The worst thing is that corruption within the union movement has the ability to cause deep harm to people who are vulnerable. When Malcolm Turnbull used the term "workers" on ABC TV's Q and A last night, it sat very uncomfortably - they are not the party of the workers.  Unions are important in a just (Capitalist) society.

If I was leader of the union movement at the moment, I'd be organising two things: firstly, a coordinated plan to share the burden of the Royal Commission and secondly, buying SPC Ardmona at Shepparton and establishing it with workers as the shareholders (ie a cooperative). The first is practical and is probably happening; the second would be both brilliant PR and have a practical effect, keeping employment and opportunity in a regional town which relies on fruit growing and canning as the mainstay of its economy. It would be pretty hard to think unions are evil when they're the only ones who've done anything to save jobs.

I have a problem with governments handing gifts of money to large, overseas owned companies (in this case Coca-Cola Amatil). I don't think it should happen. However, if there's a flood of people onto the dole queue, then the $25 million sought by Coke will soon be overshadowed by the welfare bill, social costs and flow-on effects to other businesses in the region.

I'm not leader of the union movement, so I'll have to wait and see along with the rest of you. I'd be surprised if these these ideas are not being considered. In the meantime, I have changed the way I describe my past experience. I will now be describing myself as a "community campaign leader" as I see no benefit in carrying around the smelly baggage I've been lumped with as a former union official.

Status games - observations in the wild and closer to home.

One of the things I like to observe is the status of people. It's one of the first things you learn in theatre improvisation and it can be a quick way to create character. When facilitating groups, tuning into status can really help stay on top of a group's dynamics.

Walking across Princes Bridge today, I deliberately played high status. My path was on the left of the pathway and there was no one who was going to move me from my route. I said nothing, but people moved out of my way. I was even walking up behind some people going in the same direction as I was and they moved out of my way; again with no words from me and without seeing me. They could obviously "feel me". If I was playing low status, no one would move. Ever had an "invisible day"? That's low status.

One of the other interesting places to observe status - apart from the zoo -  is in the workplace. Some people are bestowed with status because of their title or job role. Sometimes their personal status might align with the hierarchical status; other times it might be at odds.  Think of the leader who is personally low status. They fail to command respect and won't last long. The person who is lowest in the hierarchy might have high status, however, and it's interesting to observe the dynamics that creates.

I'm thinking about this tonight because I've been watching  the television show "Survivor", which is another great place to observe status games playing out. How do people acquire their status? Do they naturally have high status? Will they be able to keep it? What are the thought processes and behaviours that emerge when someone is aware that their status has shifted?

There's a woman in the office of one of my clients who is dominant in the workplace, but I've had a hard time picking her status. I've decided that she is high status. Her role is middle on one consideration, but on another she wields power. In her mind, she appears as though she is the ruler of the roost. It's classic "head of the typing pool" syndrome.

She and I have had some interesting encounters. In the constructed hierarchy of this particular workplace, I know I have low status. However, I know that I personally carry high status. One of the things that gives me high status is that I don't care about the hierarchy. I just care about doing good work and getting on with people. Sometimes this gets me into trouble. Mostly, it serves me well and I'm consequently well-connected throughout the workplaces in which I move. I've observed that people with a misalignment between their status accorded them by the constructed hierarchy and their personal status, really don't know what to do about people who disregard their high status position.  They often want to lash out, but know they will be let down by their ultimate lack of authority. Or they will turn into bullies.

Another way to think about status is in terms of the "natural leader". Generally my observation is that people whom we perceive as natural leaders, carry high personal status.  Nelson Mandela is a good example - he was born with low status in his country (a black man in a country imposing apartheid) yet rose to be one of the most respected men and leaders in the world. One of the things he had was high personal status.

Recent Australian politicial history is interesting to consider through this lens of status. The last two leaders of the Australian Labor Party (Julia Gillard and Kevin Rudd) were both elevated to leader of the party and the country. Before their elevation, I would argue they had high status, but as soon as they were in the position, both lost their status.

Back to the particular woman in the client's workplace...she often stops talking when I enter the room. Recently, I heard my name said just before she stopped talking and responded from a high status position. I told her I heard my name and made strong eye contact with her. She said nothing further, but the person with whom she was speaking, made excuses of denial. Meanwhile, I said nothing (again, a high status move).  In another classic move, this woman "shooshed" me once when I was just talking to someone around the workplace. I looked her in the eye and told that her that I don't respond to "shooshing". She didn't respond.

I think that when relationships are functional, we hardly notice status at all. People just smoothly get on with it. The social satisfaction gained in this functional world will keep everyone humming along, usually until something changes, for example, someone new arrives. It's no wonder that "stranger comes to town" is one of the archetypal stories we've been telling down through the ages.

As a freelancer, I'm often the stranger coming to town, paid to observe and to challenge. To do this, I need to be secure and good willed. Mostly it works.

In the crowds of Christmas shoppers, it can be interesting (and useful) to play high status. Why not try it next time you're trying to go somewhere? Imagine you are the top dog, the big cheese, the king of the jungle and that you are entitled to take whatever path you choose. Carry this thought and make eye contact and watch people move out of your way! Have a go at doing the opposite and see what happens when your status is low.  Further fine tune your observation skills by studying the status people in your workplace hold. See if you can identify what it is that makes a person high or low status.

It can be a real eye-opener.

Congratulations Rose Wintergreen - Artist of the Year!

I'm so excited for my friend Rose Wintergreen who featured on divacultura a little over a year ago. She has been awarded Australian Independent Music Awards Dance/Electronic Artist of the Year for 2013 for her song Feet in the Sand.

Congratulations Rose!

A little over a year ago Rose mentioned in her interview with divacultura that she was "also working on songs for a new recording". Well Rose has certainly achieved that. I've watched Rose plan the project and then work really hard, riding the highs and the lows, and it's so great to see her vision and hard work pay off. 

Rose crowd funded her album and I remember talking to her just before the deadline about how it was all going. There were some nervous moments, but we got her over the line. Thanks to everyone who joined me in contributing to bringing this artist's work into a  wider world.

Visit Rose's blog to see photos from the Awards night and find out more. Maybe even say hello!

Ladies and Gentlemen - The art of being MC

I've spent the last three days as an MC at Work Safe Week at the Melbourne Convention Centre. One of the great things about being an MC is that you get to meet lots of really interesting people and learn from them. I've spent time learning about everything from manual handling risks and solutions to removing slip, trip and fall hazards; the impact of fatigue on safety at work to how injured or sick people think. I've chaired panels of Work Safe Inspectors and Health and Safety Representatives and there was never a moment when I was anything less than interested in what I was hearing.

There was a common passion all of these people had - the desire to make sure everyone comes home from work safely and the desire to support people in workplaces across the state to help make this a reality.

At the end of each presentation I facilitated a Q & A session. Generally people had genuine questions and were pleased to have the opportunity to ask and respectful of the people asking them. Occasionally, the soap box would be wheeled out and an audience member would ramble on with a story, or argue with the answer they had been given. On one occasion, an attendee attacked the panel on the quality of their presentation. My other favourite thing is when someone argues from the floor about whether or not they really need to use the microphone to ask their questions. Usually the audience will tell them that they do need to use it, as they struggle to actually hear what is being asked.

It's these moments that cause clients to congratulate themselves on the decision to hire an MC, presenters to thank the gods that they don't have to manage the situation. Other members of the audience will breathe a sigh of relief and silently (or actually) applaud when tricky audience situations are sensitively and firmly handled. It's moments like these that cause me to wonder what's going on for a person who feels the need to publicly have a go at volunteers who are serving their workplace community.

The Sufi saying about being aware that every single person you meet is in a silent battle with something that you don't know about, springs to mind.

One of the themes for the event was that change begins with a single action. I asked participants to consider what "one thing" they would do when they returned to their workplace.

My workplace varies wildly from day to day; often I'm at work at the kitchen table at home. My apartment was built in the days where each room only had one power point, so I have electrical cords running all over the place. I'm off to buy some gaffer tape and some extension leads so I can secure the cords out of the way and reduce my risk of a slip, trip or fall at home.

I spent the whole event working in the one room with the same tech guy. He was great to work with and instilled confidence in me and the presenters that he would make sure everything worked smoothly. I spent time every day talking to him and appreciating him; this morning I gave him a small box of chocolates to say thank you. He was chuffed. It was a small gesture that was easy to do and sincerely intended and I know that I have someone in my network who would not hesitate to recommend my work.

Did you go to the Work Safe Week event? What's the one thing you need to do in your workplace to remove a hazard or risk? Do you go out of your way to show appreciation to the people you rely on? How easy are you to work with?

And lastly, having spent three days in the MC role and contemplating my appearance on Million Dollar Minute (on the television in 8 minutes) I do wonder why game show hosts are usually male. Why is that?

ETA on public transport? Five and a half hours early.

Public transport gets me where I need to go, when I need to go, most of the time.  On Sunday I bumped right up against its limitations and instead of paying $3.50 for all day travel on Saturday and Sunday I had to drive my car.

I worked all weekend and had to be ready to start at 8am on Sunday morning, just near the MCG.  As usual, I used the Public Transport Victoria Journey Planner to search for my best transport options and said that I needed to arrive by 8am.

It gave me four options and the best option had me arriving in plenty of time...at 2:34am after a journey involving a train, two buses and two periods of walking and a total travel time of 1 hour and 12 minutes!  I wasn't sure what I would do with the spare five and a half hours before start time, I looked at the next arrival time.  That had me arriving late at 8:07am (assuming it was running without delay) and took 1 hour and 22 minutes after travelling on a bus, two trains and three intervals on foot.

I decided to drive instead.  The journey took me less than twenty minutes and I parked on the street for free.  I had always wondered why people chose to drive to attend church when they are right next door to tram lines and railway stations.  Now I now.

If I didn't have a car or wasn't in a position to drive I suppose I would have to take a taxi or plead forgiveness for being a little late and prepare for the epic journey.  I suppose cycling is another potential option.  I can't comment on this as I'm not familiar with travel times or methods for cycling, but I would require facilities at my workplace to enable me to change, store the bike on so on.

I don't expect that public transport options on a Sunday morning are going to be as available as they are during a weekday peak, but with changes to work patterns and lifestyles, this serious lack of public transport must be problematic for many people.  Even if I wanted to arrive at the same destination by 9am, my best travel option requires me to be on a train at 7:58am and I arrive 33 minutes early.  The option before that is the one that delivers me at 8:07am and the later option would see me arrive at 9:11am and take 33 minutes, station to station.

Melbourne is a great city.  Indeed we're the world's most livable city.  What must the public transport be like in other cities?  And now we are further condemned to languish with a new federal government which stated prior to the election that they would not be funding urban rail.  They're all about roads.

Spectacular trip and I'm off to hospital

Regular interaction with the health system is a feature of my working life, but usually I'm a simulated patient, rather than a real one.  Today I experienced the emergency department of one of Melbourne's main hospitals from the perspective of a real patient.

Following my usual routine, I had enjoyed the walk from Flinders Street station to the office South Melbourne.  There's something refreshing about a brisk walk in the cold air.  I arrived at the office just after 9am and entered the foyer.  I took one step, felt my left ankle slip, I corrected and over-balanced the other way, landing on my right knee as I went for a spectacular slide on the ground.  I lay on my face for a moment (elegant!), gathered myself together and sat up.  Several people walked past and then a woman stopped to help me up and ask if I was okay.  It was then a few steps into the office.  I sat in reception, burst into tears and announced that I had just had a fall.  

An icepack was brought immediately and a team of people sprang into action.  I had been able to walk, but bending the knee was causing a nasty twinge at the back/side.  I peeled back my leggings and discovered a nasty bruise and some swelling.  We quickly decided that I should head to an emergency department for xrays and assessment.

I arrived with a work colleague at 10:10am and could immediately see that it was busy.  My colleague joined the queue for me while I sat and waited for the three people ahead of her to be seen by the triage nurse.  She was lovely but had an unusual definition of pace and urgency.  I was thankful that I had someone with me and that I wasn't really, really sick or injured.  Several people in the queue looked terrible and there was no one to go to for help except the slow moving triage nurse.  

After about 30 minutes I made the front of the queue.  I gave my name, date of birth, address and gave a description of what had happened and a rating for the pain.  I was directed to take a seat and wait to be called by the administration clerk.  After a further fifteen minutes, I was seated in front of the administration clerk and asked exactly the same questions again as well as details of my Medicare card and employer.  These two people were sitting a metre from each other and using computers, so it seems incredible that my information hadn't been passed on.  Several times when I was trying to respond to questions, the administration clerk turned to talk to other people or answer the phone.  

Soon a very friendly physiotherapist came to see me.  She did a quick examination and then took me for an xray which was done quickly and I was back on a bed.  It was good news: nothing broken or torn, but some local bruising, likely deep bone bruising and soreness.  I discovered that one part of my knee is very sore to touch normally.  I nearly jumped out of my skin when she pressed somewhere that I hadn't realised was sore.  When she checked the other knee in the same spot I had the same reaction.  Apparently I just have sensitive knees.

Two hours and ten minutes later I was in a taxi on my way home, wearing a sexy compression bandage with a list of instructions for regular application of an ice pack.  

When I came back to the waiting area, there were more people and people who had been there before me were still waiting.  None of them looked happy or comfortable.  All the seats are upright and there wasn't even any way that I could sit with my leg elevated while I was waiting.  

I put my brother down as next of kin and called him to tell him what was going on.  He's a veterinarian and immediately performed a lameness exam over the phone and promptly ordered a full body cast while laughing maniacally.  I started to reconsider my decision to have him as next of kin.  After I had been seen and was waiting for the paperwork to take with me I called him again.  He obviously still thought the whole thing was hilarious and asked me what  he should say if he got a call that said I was unconscious and they needed to know whether or not to amputate.  My response was "wake me up and ask me!"

My final instructions to him were that he wasn't to plug me in or unplug me.  Nothing like a sympathetic little brother to lighten the mood.

A weekend of lying in bed reading or lying on the couch watching TV with hourly trips to the freezer to retrieve the icepack stretches before me.  And I don't have to feel guilty!  I'm pleased that I haven't sustained a serious injury  and can't imagine how much pain I'd be in if I had!

Oh no - where's my CV?

Currently I'm working with a group of workers who have been subject to a restructure by their employer.  The employer is offering a series of workshops to assist them to get their resumes in order, reflect on their career plan and prepare for interview.

The typical profile of these people is that they have been with the one organisation long term - anywhere from twelve to thirty years; sometimes in the one role or part of the business.  People attending the workshops are experiencing a variety of emotions - some are angry, others feel betrayed, but most are quietly nervous and fearful.  They know they need to dust off their CV but don't really know how to do it.  They've been in the one place for so long they can't imagine themselves anywhere else.

The amazing thing is that as participants go beyond thinking about their skills and think about what they really value in life, there have been some big breakthroughs.  Chins start to wobble, lips thin and eyes start to fill with tears as realisations about how they don't really fit the place they've been in for the last decade or two.

I didn't know how much I was suppressing part of myself  while I worked for one organisation.  I was exercising one part of myself, but the other part lay dormant and actually had to be put away every day.  I'd put the armour on to the enter daily combat.  I didn't know it at the time; it was only after I left that I gained this perspective.  Friends told me that I was nicer to be around and it was great to see me be more like myself more of the time.

I find this experience is profound for me as well as I listen to them describe how they have to suppress their natural inclinations five days a week in order to fulfill the requirements of the job.  Worse, at the beginning of the workshops they tell me that they're wanting to apply for one of the new roles in the new structure.  By the end of the workshops they have the skills to do that but they're feeling uneasy because they know they should look outside.  I wonder whether they will?  Will they hold their resolve to be happy at work or will they succumb to the economic realities of a well-paying position and fight to hang on to something they don't really want?

I hope they hang on to their resolve, but I know that most won't and it will take the universe giving them a kick up the backside to make them act in their own true interests.  There is pain ahead, but at least they're equipped.

Are you in the right job?  What do you truly value?  Are your values and the values of the organisation for which you work aligned? If they're not, what do you need to do?

My favourite things... this week

I was away in Sydney this week having a very busy time.  The days were long and time available to think and write was limited.  Prioritising sleep was critical.  So, sorry there were no posts this week.  It's a freezing, wet and windy Friday in Melbourne so coming back from lovely weather interstate was a bit of shock.

Here are my favourite things this week.

1. Time spent walking up and down the long driveway of the place I was visiting - to retrieve a forgotten item from the car, to meet a visitor, to make an appointment with a colleague - was to be relished.  I spotted this marvellous tree.

© divacultura 2013

 When I looked out the other way, this is the view I saw:

On the third trip up the driveway, I stopped and took in my surroundings.  I could forgive the long days and the lack of space to do my own work.  It was like a mini relaxation session.

2. As I was reading a notice advertising changes to train services over the weekend I noticed someone had failed to proofread:

Footscary?
© divacultura 2013

Last time I checked, Melbourne did not have a suburb called "Footscary".  There is one just down the road, along the train line, called "Footscray".  Footscray gets a bad rap.  Any wonder when the people running Melbourne's trains can't even get your name right.  When I tweeted this photo, many responders advised that the misprinted name was more apt.  #changefootscray2footscary

3. Sitting in my assigned seat aboard a Qantas flight yesterday afternoon, I was reading my book.  The flight was full and it seemed most people had 27 pieces of hand luggage.  (Why don't they enforce the limits?)  Suddenly I was hit directly on the top of my head.  A man was moving bags in the overhead locker and a very heavy one landed on me.  I cried out and then burst into tears, both from pain and shock.  It really, really hurt.  The man said nothing.  Didn't apologise.  Didn't check to see that I was okay.  

A fellow passenger who witnessed the incident asked if I was okay and asked me if I was bleeding (I wasn't).  He advised me to tell cabin crew and told me he would be a witness if required.  

Qantas cabin crew were amazing.  They brought me pain relief immediately and checked that I was okay to fly.  Throughout the flight most members of the crew checked on me to make sure I was okay.  I was most worried about my neck and I had a hell of a headache.  

You might be wondering why this is a "favourite  moment"?  Firstly the care I received from cabin crew was wonderful.  Secondly, so far, I seem to be okay.  I'm monitoring myself for any evidence of an impact injury.  I've also changed my seating preference from aisle to window.  (It's the second time a passenger's activities in the overhead lockers have resulted in something landing on my head!)

4.  It's great to be home!  (Even if it is cold and miserable!)

What were your favourite moments this week?

My favourite things - this week.

It's been a strange week.  It's been the kind of week where nothing immediately springs to mind - just the kind of week when it's a good idea to focus on the good moments.  It would be much easier at this moment to write about the bits that weren't so great.  Let's see how I go...

1. I finished knitting the bits of the first cardigan I've ever made for myself.  I have a back and two fronts.  I've put it aside for now while I rally my strength to do the next bit (joining the shoulder seams and picking up stitches for the neck and sleeves).  Even though it's not really a cardigan yet, I'm very pleased with my work so far - nice even stitches, the bits that need to be the same size as each other are the same size as each other!

2. A colleague and I emceed a team dinner for an IT crowd during the week.  The room set up was terrible and not what we'd been expecting.  We were in a marquee next to St Kilda Road, so it was noisy.  We had some audio challenges.  In spite of all these challenges we had the 50 guests laughing and mingling and having fun.  This was our brief, so we did well.  We learned some lessons about things to do differently next time, but overall we left a happy crowd behind us.

3.  At the same function one of the guests recognised me from the Glen Eira Strings concert I emceed in May.  She told me what a great job I'd done, covering the long gaps as musicians, instruments and furniture were moved on and off the stage.  It was great to be remembered and acknowledged in this way.

4. On a cold and drizzly morning, my resolve to walk to the office instead of catching a tram wavered.  I looked over at the crowded platform and it didn't look inviting.  There was no sign of the number 1 tram, so I decided to keep to my commitment (as part of the Global Corporate Challenge) and walk.  My favourite moment was when I arrived at the office about 15 minutes later at the same time as the tram.  I was very pleased that I'd used the 15 minutes to have some exercise rather than standing at a cold and crowded tram stop for ten minutes.

5. I've been having some moments of insecurity lately.  I'm co-authoring a chapter in an academic book.  Academics approach things in a very particular way.  We've agreed to produce a thought dump as a first step as we're living in different countries.  To me, a thought dump is a list of points, or a map of points showing the relationships between the points.  One of the team has produced eight pages of what feels like a polished essay to me.  I started to question what I'm doing and whether I'm qualified to even be involved.  I mentioned my worry about this to one of my colleagues in the field after a day of co-teaching.  She looked at me like I was from Mars and said that my approach was respected and that I'm fantastic!  Wow.  I was jolted back to earth and remembered that my points of difference is what makes me and my contribution valuable.  I'm the expert practitioner in the field about which we are writing.  It was a great moment to note.

How was your week?  What were your favourite moments?

Being a woman in Australia today

It's a hard day to be a woman in Australia.  Yesterday, we were confronted with the disgusting and demeaning description of our Prime Minister Julia Gillard based on body parts with a nasty sexual undercurrent.  Today it's news of emails which are "derogatory and explicit" about women being circulated within the Australian Defence Force.  We're told that some of the perpetrators are senior leaders within the ADF.  All week the air waves have been filled with news about Jill Meagher's killer and his "career" of sexual violence against women and the failures of the parole system to keep violent offenders off our streets.  The coach of the Australian male soccer team also said that "women should shut up in public".

Last night I heard a female commentator effectively saying that while ever female genital mutilation and so-called honour callings exist, no right to be upset about the emails, the "jokes", the snide disrespect and behaviour exists.

Now I'm hearing a male caller to radio saying that sexism seems worse because women scream about it louder these days.

EXCUSE ME!  YES, I'M GOING TO PUSH BACK AGAINST SEXIST BEHAVIOUR AND SEXUAL HARASSMENT.  IT'S NOT OKAY.

When it happens to the Prime Minister and other men with power and authority to act against the perpetrators do nothing, then a general attitude of disrespect flows through the rest of our community.

To me, sexism and sexual harassment are as offensive and damaging as racism.  It hurts to be viewed as anything less than a person - a whole person with intelligence and emotions and talents.   Why should I be viewed differently, treated differently, shown disrespect, have my competence criticised, merely because I am a woman?  I can think of no good reason.

I remember turning up to the Australian Industrial Relations Commission once when I was a union official to represent a group of workers who were mainly men.  A dispute had been notified because of the employer's breaches of the enterprise bargaining agreement which laid out employment conditions.  Because of my capacity as a negotiator and advocate I was often sent to deal with things like this - I could solve the problem.  As I approached the front door I saw this tall, strapping man waiting for someone.  I thought there was a good chance that he was the workplace delegate.

I introduced myself and confirmed he was indeed the delegate.

His response was this: "Oh, so they sent us a girly," as he looked me up and down.

What a position to be put in.  I was reduced to being a vagina and breasts which in his mind seemed to mean I also had no brain.

Luckily I was sure of my capacities and knew that I had the backing and respect of the senior men within the union.  I gave him the opportunity to recover: "Sorry?  I didn't hear you..."

He repeated the same statement.

I shook my head and told him to sit down and say nothing unless addressed specifically.

We were appearing before another "girly" while the employer was represented by a male lawyer.

I won the day on behalf of the members.  From that moment, the delegate thought I was so fantastic I had to contend with him trying to follow me into my hotel room at the end of the day.  He didn't succeed and from that time on he was my greatest champion.

Imagine a world where he had confidence about whoever the union sent to represent the members and judgments of competence would be based purely on performance.  If I had been less experienced and lacked confidence, I could well have failed to perform as a result of his treatment.

At another time I remember being asked by a male employee (who was my junior) if I was considered to have large breasts.  The question was asked in front of other people in a public place.  After I caught my breath I looked him in the eye and asked him whether he was considered to have a small penis.  He blushed and realised what he had done.  I don't know if "tit for tat" is the right way to respond.  I wanted him to feel what I was feeling, to see what it was like to be degraded in that way.  It certainly had that impact.

In the lunch room today, I found myself eating lunch with four other women.  I initiated a conversation about the anti-woman atmosphere.  One of the women related a story of attending a law lecture in her first year at university and the lecturer proclaimed that women shouldn't practise law.  She went onto finish her degree at another university and headed out into a law firm where she was one of two women in the team.  "Team" lunches were held at a club that allowed only men and the boss regularly expressed frustrations about the problems caused by women practising law.

Even watching Celebrity Apprentice the other day, I noticed that in the team of four which had three men and one woman, it was the woman who fetched the soup.

I've worked with some wonderful men.  I really enjoy working with men.  I also enjoy working with women.  I love working with people who are passionate about what they do and enjoy being around others who are passionate and able.  I don't care if they're male or female.  I certainly don't think all men lack respect for women but I do think there's a bad atmosphere at the moment and it starts with the leaders.

So I will make no apology for calling out sexist behaviour.  I will do it loudly and I will keep doing it because that's the only way that people learn.  I hope you will too.

My favourite things...this week

It's been a bit of a strange week.  Not a week that I've been in love with.  All the more reason to take the time to acknowledge the good bits.

1.  I had the best sleep of all time at the Novotel at Homebush in Sydney on Monday night.  I was exhausted, but that doesn't always guarantee a good sleep in a hotel.  That bed was heavenly.  The curtains didn't let in even a chink of light and I woke up in the morning wondering where the hell I was.

2.  Work on a difficult professional relationship culminated with a request for a hug.  Magic. Relief.

3.  I tried on a dress and discovered that I have dropped a dress size.  All thanks to quitting sugar!  It's both the hardest and the easiest thing to do.

4. I received a glowing probation report in relation to a project I've been leading.  I knew I had been doing good work but it's still great to see it in writing and have the conversation.

5.  I enrolled in Bob Sedergreen's jazz vocal course.  My Saturdays are free now so there's an opportunity, but I also want to tease out my inner jazz diva.  Stay tuned.

6. Going out to see comedy on a school night!  "Hot Box" on Wednesday and "Prick - the Musical" coming up on Sunday night.

7.  Hearing good news on the work front for a good friend of mine.  It's so good to share those moments with people who matter.

What was good for you this week?

Identity protection is an uphill battle

Lately it seems I'm receiving requests to do things that other people advise very strongly not to do - hand over a copy of my passport and leave details of my credit card with people.

A couple of the projects I'm working on at the moment, are paying me as an employee rather than as a consultant.  It's been a while since I've been through the engagement process as an employee and the request for identity documents and proof of my work status is the thing that has changed.  I am being requested to provide a copy of my passport which will be held on file.  The reason being cited is so that they know I am allowed to work in Australia.  The most curious part of one of these requests is that the request was made by an organisation for whom I already work sporadically!  At one stage I was advised that every separate department would require a copy of my passport which I thought was bizarre.

I had a conversation with the HR department who told me that they need to be satisfied that I am eligible to work in Australia.  I guess that's fair enough, but what about all the warnings about identity fraud?  Oh - they hadn't thought about that.  I don't need to provide a copy of my passport to everyone in the organisation now.  I reminded them that I'm already working for the organisation and they gave me my favourite answer, "we're required by law".  Of course my follow up question was "which law?".  The response to that was "I'll put you through to my supervisor" which is always a sure sign that they don't know what law, it's just an easy phrase that ends most lines of questioning.

So I speak to the supervisor who tells me again that "it's the law".  When pressed, she tells me it's the "Immigration Law".  "But I'm not an immigrant - I was born here."  Silence.

"I was born in Australia.  I'm not an immigrant.  I'm not sure what your requirements are."

Silence again.

"I've had a look at the Department of Immigration website and employers certainly need to minimise the risk of employing someone illegally.  Given that I'm from here, surely you can ask me to sign a declaration."

"No.  We need to see your passport."

"What happens if I don't have one?"

Silence.

"It's your choice."

And if I choose not to follow their instructions, then I will no longer be able to work on the project, despite being personally approached.  i called Fair Work Australia to see what they thought about the requests but was told they didn't know anything about it.  "We've never heard of this happening" they said.  Well I'm telling you now!

My passport has recently expired.  I'm in the process of renewing it and noticed the warnings about keeping identity papers safe.  Not very easy to do, it would seem.

The other request is to do with security deposits at hotels.  I understand the need for hotels to guard against dishonesty and to secure stuff that unscrupulous people could easily walk away with. There is a wide variety of practices.  Some hotels just want to make sure you have a valid credit card - taking one cent to prove it.  Other hotels are happy with a cash deposit or EFTPOS bond - both refundable immediately.  The thing I particularly rail against is the taking of a credit card imprint and holding anywhere from $100 to $200 as security bond on the card.  The funds are not able to be used, but there has been no actual charge to the card.  This process is done in an instant, but takes between 3 and 7 business days to reverse.

"We know that's a long time, but it's not our fault - it's the bank's."

Having been burnt a couple of years ago, I have learnt not to leave details of my credit card behind.  I did this once and had charges being put onto my credit card long after I left the hotel.  They were not my debts either!

This week in Perth I was booked into a hotel that wanted my credit card so they could hold $150 security bond.  We had the usual question on check-in.  It's another one of those "choices" - you don't have to do it, but if you don't they won't check you in.  When I checked out, I asked for my credit card details to be destroyed (they had a paper imprint).

I was advised that the details would be destroyed after they had contacted my bank.  They told me that this would happen that day but that it would then take 7 - 10 business days for the funds to be released.  Yes that time frame has extended from the original quote.  I said that I wasn't satisfied and that I wasn't prepared to leave my credit card details with them.  It was then revealed that the funds could be released immediately if the hotel faxed the bank.  To do this I would have to provide the bank's fax number.  My cab to the airport was waiting outside and I didn't have the fax number for my bank on me, so couldn't take up this option.

So in the digital age where money exists as code somewhere on the web, to get something done immediately requires a fax to be sent.  I don't buy it.

There are two things I'm going to add to my travel kit - the fax number of my bank and a load and go plastic card that I will put $200 onto specifically for the purposes of security deposits at hotels.  Or I'll leave them cash.  I've tried this before and for some reason some hotels won't take cash as a deposit.  I wonder why?

I phoned Consumer Affairs about this last year.  I received the shrug of the shoulders and was fobbed off to the Financial Services Ombudsman who deal with complaints against financial institutions.  My complaint is about hotels.

The other thing I don't understand is that when you need a refund for a purchase anywhere with a credit card, that refund is processed immediately upon presentation of the card used for the original purchase.  When I raise this point, I receive blank stares.

Perhaps I'm being paranoid, but I like my identity and have read enough about victims of identity fraud to know that I don't want to be one of them!

What's changed in two years?

Lately I've been noticing my reactions to situations and thinking about how differently I would have reacted two years ago.  As I contemplate that, I am grateful that the situations that cause me to think about this are happening now (when I am better equipped) and not two years ago.

For example, last week I was doing some work for a client in the building that I used to work in.  There are training and meeting rooms on one of the floors in the building so I go there fairly frequently.  Not long after I finished my full time employment, I had to visit this building for some work.  As I approached the building and contemplated going in, I had what I now know to be a panic attack - fast, shallow breathing, elevated heart rate, clammy sweat, hot flush of rash creeping up my neck and a feeling of general terror.  Four years have passed since then and I can now look back and read all the signals about what was going on at that workplace which I couldn't see at the time. Reflection point number one.

Last week as I walked into the building, one of the people with whom I used to work came out of the building.  She said hello and asked me what I was doing there. I responded with the facts, "I'm working with a client."

"Oh which client? What are you doing?"

"I'm working as an actress doing corporate roleplay for senior leadership development in one of the banks."

"You're kidding!?"  (Where is an interrobang when you need one?)

And there they hung, those words.

Most artists will know the common urging from people who aren't artists about it being time to get a real job.  It might be phrased as "your acting/art/music etc is wonderful, but can't you just have it as a hobby so you can go off and get a real job?"  The concern about the real job is usually strongly tethered to the need to earn money.

Two years ago I would have felt the panic rise in expectation of the impending judgement.  This time I didn't.  This is my work and I make a good living.

I said: "Actually I'm not kidding.  This is my work and I make a very good living out of it."

She reacted, quickly seeking to retract.  It was as if she suddenly realised what that statement actually could mean.

We both ended the conversation.  As I walked to the lift I contemplated my reaction.  I'm pleased that I was able to stand up, proudly, for my work and not allow it, and me, to be dismissed, but reading back on this, I wonder how I will come across.  There is more context to the relationship with this particular person that I'm not prepared to lay out here and I don't know whether it's relevant.

This is but one example.  I'm finding in the project I'm managing where I'm back in an office for a couple of days a week, that I'm being confronted with everything I don't like about that environment.  There is some good stuff too, but apart from the work itself, I'm being regularly confronted with the things that are challenging.

With another round of leadership development conversations coming up with another client (I'll be facilitating), it's timely that I am refreshing my experience in a hands-on leadership role.

I recently found myself needing to have an honest conversation with a member of the project team.  As I prepared for it, I could hear myself coaching myself from the sidelines.  A couple of years ago, my reaction and ability to handle that person would have been quite different.  I would have dealt with the situation, but I think it would have taken longer and the landing have been less comfortable.  For everyone.

The value of reflection is something that artists understand and practise  - it is essential to artistry and artistic process, regardless of the art form.  Lately, I'm hearing about reflection in the corporate setting and in medical training.  It makes me happy to see the wisdom of artists permeating other disciplines.  Lately, reflection has given me the opportunity to learn a lot about myself and my growth and how I'm going in my business (which is still less than two years' old.).  I was very pleased to notice that I'm better suited to consulting than being attached to one office and one organisation.  Thank goodness I made the right decision!

What have you reflected on lately? What are you noticing?