Wednesday, 30 January 2013

A better class of bottom - euphemism gone wild

This week I'm spending time in the office.  I spent a few days there at the end of last year, but that's a foggy memory after over a month off.  It's funny what you notice when you're being super observant.

Today I noticed, and contemplated, the toilet paper in the women's toilets.  Here's why:

Executive toilet tissue
© divacultura 2013­­
We don't just have toilet paper.  No bog roll for us! No!  We have "executive toilet tissue".  Wow. This is an extension of euphemism into an area already well-populated. I'm not entirely sure what this means, but if I don't spend too much time thinking about it, I believe it means that my bottom is elevated to executive status when I'm at work.  I went to the loo several times during the day.  I didn't "borrow" a roll to bring home so that I can also be executive at home.  I just have plain old toilet paper at home.

Honestly!  What does this mean?  The quality is nothing special - I don't think it's even 2 ply.  It doesn't quite dissolve on contact, but...I'll leave that thought with you.  It's not quite sand paper, but...and that one.

The other benefit of going to the office every day is that I get to observe people on public transport, which you know is one of my favourite things to do.

Travelling on the tram from the office to Flinders Street today we had the company of a rather animated fellow.  At first I thought it was someone engaged in IMC, or Inappropriate Mobile Conversation.  He was yelling at someone called Wayne telling him, repeatedly, that he, Wayne, would not be paid.  Ever.    Then there was an emphatic statement about the need for no more laminating - "there will be no more laminating".  I pictured the hapless Wayne working in some dungeon somewhere doing repetitive collation tasks and filling staplers for so long he had been driven to compulsive lamination.

When the subject abruptly changed to the speed of tram travel and the availability of myki public transport tickets and the volume rose to a shout, I looked around.  I saw a man without a mobile phone speaking directly into his myki card.  He was clearly on another plane from the rest of us.

So tomorrow I shall take my mantra of "no more laminating" to the office and give thanks for the executive toilet tissue.

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