Laws of the universe

All the discussion about confidence and the notion of self-fulfilling prophecies got me thinking about the things that I have learned to be true.  Until now, they haven't been written down anywhere that I know of.  I have decided to document the practical truths that I know.  Think of it as a community service.

I have couched these laws in terms of "inverse proportions"; that is, the higher the chance of one thing, the lower the chance of another.

1.  The volume of a conversation on a mobile phone in a public place is inversely proportional to the intimacy of the subjects being discussed.

2. The price of the underwear is inversely proportional to the amount of flesh it covers.  This also applies to bathing suits.

3.  The chance the train is running on time is inversely proportional to how late you are running.

4. The amount of credit available on your credit card is inversely proportional to the necessity of the purchase.

5.  The chance of picking up the letter Q at the end of a game of Scrabble is inversely proportional to the number of "U's" you already have on your rack.

6.  The life of the battery in your iPhone is inversely proportional to the importance of what you use it for.

7.  The chances of your rent being increased is inversely proportional to the security of your income.

8.  The chance of being able to put pantyhose on without putting a ladder in them is inversely proportional to:
          a) how many other pairs you have available.
          b) how late you are for the train. (see also #3).
          c) the length of your skirt.
          d) the cost of this particular pair.

9.  The chance of picking the winner is inversely proportional to the size of the bet you placed.
(This law also applies if you thought about placing the bet, but didn't actually do it.)

10.  The chance of making money in the current market is inversely proportional to how much you have invested on the stock market.  (See also #9 above.)

11.  The interest in cleaning the bathroom or vacuuming the floor is inversely proportional to the amount of time left on your deadline.

12.  The chance the plumber sent by the emergency plumbing service will fulfill all your day time television fantasies is inversely proportional to whether you're having a good hair day and how long it is since you had your legs waxed.

What do you think?  I'd love to know your truths.