Sunday, 12 April 2015

Crazy markdowns! Graves going cheap!

The Melbourne Cemetery has a banner hanging on the fence advertising new graves available. Low prices! Prestige positions!

I suppose in a world where everything is competing in a marketplace, it was only a matter of time. 

As I drove past, several questions sprang to mind. 

Where did they get the space?
Who moved out?
Did they go voluntarily?
Do they have an annual stock take?
Could I buy a plot and rent it out to take advantage of negative gearing?

What does "prime position" mean in the real estate of the after life?

Later I walked into the post office to collect my mail. A woman was sitting on the customer side of the counter on an office chair. She was resting her head on the counter and the staff were looking concerned. While I waited to collect a parcel, the woman complained that she couldn't breathe and urgently asked someone to undo her bra. I obliged and asked the staff to call an ambulance. She protested one minute -  "No ambulance!" - and then said she couldn't breathe. 

The manager looked uncertain. I nodded to say "keep going, get the ambulance". I imagined the headlines if she died in the post office and no one called an ambulance. 

"My partner is coming. He will be here soon. I don't need an ambulance, " the woman kept repeating. 

A man standing behind me in the queue protested, saying that we shouldn't call an ambulance if she didn't want one. I questioned whether someone who was having difficulty breathing and therefore had no oxygen to the brain was in the best position to make life and death decisions.

A man wearing a leopard onesie then arrived. He was her partner. It wasn't exactly the cavalry, but I felt relieved of responsibility.

I wonder if the woman knew about the sale at the cemetry?

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