I waved goodbye to my fellow facilitator at the end of today and wished him a safe journey "home". We're working in a hotel and he's staying in the same hotel. I was jealous. I had had to drive to cart equipment for the day and was not looking to the stress of driving home in peak hour.
He laughed about the fact I wished him a safe journey. He was staying on the tenth floor of the building we were already in. What could go wrong?
Here's my list of the top ten things that could go during his journey to the sanctuary of his room.
10. He loses his room key and returns to reception to request access only to find that he doesn't have enough identity documents on him to verify who he is (they're all in his room). He hangs out at the bar, sleeps on a couch in the lobby and waits for me to arrive tomorrow morning and verify his identity to hotel staff.
9. He gets in the lift and discovers there is no level 10. He spends the night going up and down in the lift in his vain search for level 10.
8. He makes it to level 10 only to discover his room doesn't exist.
7. He makes it to level 10, opens the door to his room and discovers it's a portal to a parallel universe populated by beautiful Japanese women, echoing Haruki Murakami.
6. He gets in the lift and discovers it's an alien abduction vehicle, delivering him to the arms of evil, alien overlords who are interested only in performing invasive, painful experiments that serve no actual scientific purpose. He whips out his iphone and films the whole things.
5. He gets in the lift, arrives at his room only to find crime scene tape blocking the entry. He runs.
4. He gets in the lift. The doors close. The muzak starts. The lift jolts and then stops. The lights go out and the muzak stops. He activates the alarm. The doors open on the ground floor as I arrive to start the day tomorrow.
3. He can't get to the lift. Teenage fans have discovered he's staying in this hotel and have blockaded the lobby, at considerable inconvenience to other hotel guests.
2. He decides to head out for a walk and drink after work. Things get out of hand and he can't remember where the hotel is. I send out a scout in the morning after hearing reports of a roaming, disorientated man wearing a suit in the streets of Melbourne.
1. He doesn't even bother with his hotel room. Instead he orders his private helicopter to meet him on the hotel's helipad. He spends the night at home in Sydney and arrives in time for tomorrow's work, if a little windswept.
What else could possibly go wrong?
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