In November 2011, I wrote this post about the voices in my head. I'd been thinking about the critic who often shows up just when I really need the supportive voice of my coach. I went back to this post after a coaching experience I had last week.
Just last week I was working with a client who had a very loud critic screaming in her head. In fact, her critic was so loud, the critic's voice often came out of her own mouth. This client could not sit comfortably in silence and the critic would happily fill the space with negativity.
The client could not hear her coach at all. I think her coach had gone to sleep because the fight was just too hard. She was also skeptical about the impact of the critic's voice.
Once I stopped the critic from speaking out loud through my client, I noticed the critic speaking non-verbally - the client would pull faces, roll her eyes, shrug her shoulders and fidget instead. The critic was still sending a very clear message.
I asked if I could try something. I asked her to write down three of the most prominent phrases that she could hear her critic saying and give me the paper. I then asked her to complete the speaking task she was working on while I sat beside her and repeated the critic's phrases in her ear.
The impact was profound: my client could barely speak and certainly could not complete the simple task with any level of competence.
On reflection, my client agreed that it was very hard to think.
I asked her to write down three phrases that would help her if she heard a coach say them to her.
This time, I asked her to complete the speaking task while I said the coach's phrases in her other ear.
Remarkably, she not only completed the task, but had more energy, focus and confidence as she completed the task.
It became clear to me that the concept of the coach and critic voices was too abstract for this client to grasp. (She probably had the critic rubbishing the idea while I explained it!) By giving actual voice to the coach and critic, this client was able to understand the impact her critical voice was having on her. It also gave her the tools to breathe life back into her coach's voice.
These moments are life changing for the client, and profound for me as the coach as I see their potential for success and confidence grow. It's always good to check in and see which station your voices are switched to. I choose "coach" every time!
What are you tuned to at the moment? How have you silenced your critic?
Showing posts with label voices. Show all posts
Showing posts with label voices. Show all posts
Monday, 16 February 2015
Saturday, 3 March 2012
Sounds of silence
I spent today's choir rehearsal in silence. I've been nursing a sore throat over the last couple of days and woke up this morning with hardly any voice. My voice is my main tool for my work (except my writing) so I really can't afford to lose it. Literally.
My vocal group has a gig coming up and I decided that even though I couldn't sing, it was still important to be at the rehearsal. I'm so glad I went. I sat out the front and was able to hear things and gain perspectives that just aren't possible when you're singing a part in the middle of the group. It was so exciting!
Being in the world in silence is an interesting thing to do every now and then. Especially when you're an extrovert like me. It's still possible for dialogue to occur and connections with others can be made. Exchanges become about conveying everything physically. And people are also amazingly good lip readers. (This makes me think about the film "The Artist" which I wrote about here and how easy it was to "hear" the conversation in a silent film.)
Losing my voice is not new to me. It used to happen all the time and was usually not related to a physical cause. When I was at university I lost my voice for three whole weeks! I was living on campus in a residential college too, so it was pretty challenging. This was the first instance of being unable to speak and not having an underlying physical cause. Apparently it is quite common.
I tried everything. I tried to unblock my chakras. I breathed the colour blue. I saw a speech pathologist. I even just tried to speak, but it just didn't work. So I decided that I just had to ride it out.
I carried a little notebook and fellow college residents and friends became well-practised in this new style of conversation. They would wait patiently for me to write my side of the dialogue in the notebook. A few years ago I found the notebook when I was cleaning some stuff out. I remember being struck by how mundane my bits of direct speech were. It was all a bit "pass the salt". Surely I had something profound to say! I was studying journalism and literature and history and drama and music! What a shame I didn't think to write myself some really fabulous dialogue!
One morning I woke up and my voice was back. Just like that. No announcement or precursor. It was an anti-climax in many ways. Suddenly I was normal again and all the attention and solicitation I had enjoyed as friends eased my way in the world, was gone. I was just another voice in the crowd.
As I had become so practised at being silent, my friends and I decided to go out one night with me pretending to be mute. In a crowded pub or nightclub it hardly makes any difference and in many ways it is easier to just not talk. Men would ask my friends about my history and how it was that I came to be mute. All kinds of things were made up and for the most part they seemed to be believed. Or perhaps it was wishful thinking on the part of these young men (imagine that! a woman who can't speak!).
Apart from my voice being my living, it's also a big part of who I am in the world. I verbally joust and usually have a witty comment at the ready and enjoy making people laugh. Today, I noticed people taking the opportunity to poke me a little bit (in fun) because they knew they would be safe from my comeback.
At the supermarket buying food after rehearsal the girl at the checkout said hello and asked me how I was. I indicated that I had no voice. She was sympathetic and then gave me the following prescription: drink hot water with honey and lemon.
I nodded and mouthed, "And brandy!"
So here I am, silent and sipping the spirits left over from Christmas cooking. The brandy burns on the way down, but it sure feels good.
Have you ever lost your voice? How did you cope?
My vocal group has a gig coming up and I decided that even though I couldn't sing, it was still important to be at the rehearsal. I'm so glad I went. I sat out the front and was able to hear things and gain perspectives that just aren't possible when you're singing a part in the middle of the group. It was so exciting!
Being in the world in silence is an interesting thing to do every now and then. Especially when you're an extrovert like me. It's still possible for dialogue to occur and connections with others can be made. Exchanges become about conveying everything physically. And people are also amazingly good lip readers. (This makes me think about the film "The Artist" which I wrote about here and how easy it was to "hear" the conversation in a silent film.)
Losing my voice is not new to me. It used to happen all the time and was usually not related to a physical cause. When I was at university I lost my voice for three whole weeks! I was living on campus in a residential college too, so it was pretty challenging. This was the first instance of being unable to speak and not having an underlying physical cause. Apparently it is quite common.
I tried everything. I tried to unblock my chakras. I breathed the colour blue. I saw a speech pathologist. I even just tried to speak, but it just didn't work. So I decided that I just had to ride it out.
I carried a little notebook and fellow college residents and friends became well-practised in this new style of conversation. They would wait patiently for me to write my side of the dialogue in the notebook. A few years ago I found the notebook when I was cleaning some stuff out. I remember being struck by how mundane my bits of direct speech were. It was all a bit "pass the salt". Surely I had something profound to say! I was studying journalism and literature and history and drama and music! What a shame I didn't think to write myself some really fabulous dialogue!
One morning I woke up and my voice was back. Just like that. No announcement or precursor. It was an anti-climax in many ways. Suddenly I was normal again and all the attention and solicitation I had enjoyed as friends eased my way in the world, was gone. I was just another voice in the crowd.
As I had become so practised at being silent, my friends and I decided to go out one night with me pretending to be mute. In a crowded pub or nightclub it hardly makes any difference and in many ways it is easier to just not talk. Men would ask my friends about my history and how it was that I came to be mute. All kinds of things were made up and for the most part they seemed to be believed. Or perhaps it was wishful thinking on the part of these young men (imagine that! a woman who can't speak!).
Apart from my voice being my living, it's also a big part of who I am in the world. I verbally joust and usually have a witty comment at the ready and enjoy making people laugh. Today, I noticed people taking the opportunity to poke me a little bit (in fun) because they knew they would be safe from my comeback.
At the supermarket buying food after rehearsal the girl at the checkout said hello and asked me how I was. I indicated that I had no voice. She was sympathetic and then gave me the following prescription: drink hot water with honey and lemon.
I nodded and mouthed, "And brandy!"
So here I am, silent and sipping the spirits left over from Christmas cooking. The brandy burns on the way down, but it sure feels good.
Have you ever lost your voice? How did you cope?
Wednesday, 7 December 2011
Edge of reality
Yesterday, I was just too tired to write. Imagine! I had spent the day playing a person with paranoid schizophrenia. I'm glad that I don't suffer from this illness. It's exhausting.
During the course of the day I had the opportunity to hear a fellow actor play the same role. We had no script, but rather an outline of key thoughts and features of the illness, so the characters were slightly different. It was interesting to hear that the character sounded strangely rational.
One of the features of this character's delusion was that they had a direct line to God and that they had been chosen. This got me thinking about belief and religion. There's that old quip that when you talk to God, that's called prayer, but if He talks back, that's schizophrenia. I wonder why it's considered perfectly sane (by believers) to talk to God through prayer, but get a response and you'll be committed?
Another feature was auditory hallucinations that were telling me the person I was talking to was a demon and not to be trusted as well as visual hallucinations of demons in the shadows. This is challenging as an actor. I've never knowingly encountered someone in this state and have not had the experience myself. I knew I'd nailed it when several students I was working with looked around to see what I was looking at and identified that I was hearing voices.
That's how I spent my day. What did you do?
During the course of the day I had the opportunity to hear a fellow actor play the same role. We had no script, but rather an outline of key thoughts and features of the illness, so the characters were slightly different. It was interesting to hear that the character sounded strangely rational.
One of the features of this character's delusion was that they had a direct line to God and that they had been chosen. This got me thinking about belief and religion. There's that old quip that when you talk to God, that's called prayer, but if He talks back, that's schizophrenia. I wonder why it's considered perfectly sane (by believers) to talk to God through prayer, but get a response and you'll be committed?
Another feature was auditory hallucinations that were telling me the person I was talking to was a demon and not to be trusted as well as visual hallucinations of demons in the shadows. This is challenging as an actor. I've never knowingly encountered someone in this state and have not had the experience myself. I knew I'd nailed it when several students I was working with looked around to see what I was looking at and identified that I was hearing voices.
That's how I spent my day. What did you do?
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